This week’s question was asked by AuntF of Benicia, CA:

Ok, so tell me, how does a middle-aged (yet, somewhat cool) straight couple attend a Lady GaGa concert and fit in? I don’t think we are part of her “Little Monsters”, but we do love her! We really want to go, but don’t want to feel old and ordinary.

No…let me break it down:

  1. 1.    Buy matching creme nighties from Ross: Dress for Less. Don’t settle for a cheap white slip. Get the one with lace and rhinestones.
  2. 2.    Buy a white feather boa from the Halloween Store.
  3. 3.    Buy a wig and pink hair spray from the Wig Shop on Mission.
  4. 4.    Go over to Nick’s house. Take over Jay’s bedroom mirror. Apply copious amounts of black eyeliner, black eyeshadow and ruby red lipstick. Foundation that shit like there’s no tomorrow to hide the stubble.
  5. 5.    Apply your pig snout that Benutty got you.
  6. 6.    Make a sign that says “I’m bluffin with my muffin.”
  7. 7.    And drink like a fish. Tip well. Drink more. And evenutally the waitress will comp your drinks because you’ve given her like $50 in tips.

Double numbering is so 2010. WHHHHHHHHHHAT. GIRL. WHHHHHAT.
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Stay tuned for the other responses this week.