Posts tagged that’s right I said it

We all know by now that Nick knows everything and he’s always right and that’s right, he said it. But what you may not be familiar with yet are his absolutes. A Nick Absolute is a completely ridiculous statement made by Nick which, in the way he says it, leaves absolutely no room for a differing opinion — what he says is absolutely right, perfectly sensible, and was, is & always will be unwaveringly true. I mean, really, you could live and die by these Absolutes. Bet your life savings on them coz you’ll make a fortune. Recite them to yourself in the mirror each morning and you’ll never age. Write them on fortune cookies and sell them to Chinese restaurants for millions of dollars. Write an Oscar-winning movie script based on ‘em. Seriously, Nick’s Absolutes are money in the bank. Golden words to live by.

Take for example the other day at the park when he uttered the following Absolutes to Alfie, Jay and me:

• Women love warm climates
• I only play beach volleyball, I can’t not dive for the ball
• That’s how this city is, at 3 a wind comes in

You see — women don’t love cold climates and that’s why they don’t live in places like Sweden, Alaska, or Mongolia and only live in Mexico, Florida, and Brazil. And Nick will never play volleyball unless it’s in the sand because he will dive no matter what surface he’s playing on and, well, that could hurt. Oh and regardless of how warm it may be in San Francisco before 3 it doesn’t actually matter because exactly at 3 a wind comes in and the city gets cold.

Never fails.