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Posts tagged That Bitch I Work With
The Bitch I Work With: An Epilogue
Jun 23rd
I guess I forgot to write in any of my posts about The Bitch I Work With that I might have encouraged her behavior. Oops. Right after Part One when she told everyone to shut the fuck up in the office, I sent her an email saying that she was going to have a hard time getting those douche bags to stop talking about fucking hockey. And then in that same email, I might have pointed out to her that their talking about hockey wasn’t nearly as bad as “having a horse eat an apple in your ear very loudly” while you try to work. Haha. I guess I put the bee in her bonnet that encouraged her to lash out against the Chewer in Part Two of the saga. Yyyes. Dance, puppets, dance!
You see, I figured if this girl was a crazy ass bitch on the very first day of work and had the audacity to yell at everyone to be quiet, I needed to get on her good side. (That’s the same logic that got Benutty and I in trouble…it resulted in our sordid friendships with Nick. Keep your frenemies close). So I shot off that email in an attempt to be like, “Hey Regina George. I hear ya. Try not to stab me in the back. I bring an olive branch. And I too am a mean girl and my father, the inventor of the Toaster Streudel, would really want us to be friends.” I also think it was that initial email that spared me her wrath when I was eating my “rosemary foccaccia” cough drops. You see, my little farm animals, you have to be several steps ahead of the game. Use the drama to your advantage until it’s just you and the bitch left standing and then become friends with her or eat her, depending on how many calories you already had eaten that day.
This Bitch I Work With. Part Four: The Final Chapter or New Beginnings?
Jun 22nd
She’s back. Yes, my temp job ended almost 2 weeks ago but that bitch I work with is back. I got a call last Friday saying that the temp agency wanted me back to work on my old project again. Apparently, there was some clean up work that needed to be done and that it would probably only last for one day. The temp agency also told me that it was only going to be me there because there wasn’t much to do. Well, I wasn’t doing anything so I said SO WHAT! WHO CARES?!? I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING. WHY NOT MAKE SOME CASH FOR MY PINOT GRIGIO HABIT?
I show up at the firm and I am greeted by my boss. She then says, “Oh right on time. We’ll just wait here a little bit longer until that bitch you work with shows up.” (Or something like that). I’m like, “Oh hells no! That bitch I work with has returned from the grave. I thought it was only going to be me doing the work here. Ugh.” (Or something like that). And my boss is like, “You and that bitch were the only two asked back. You were our best temps and we wanted to ask you both back.”
The bitch shows up. We start working. We work three hours and run out of shit to do. So they let us go home early and that was it. Haha. We were laid off again. Haha. Love it. Unfortunately, with just me and her in the room, she didn’t have anything awful to say. I didn’t stink up with office with food. I didn’t chew with my mouth open. And she was Chatty Kathy. In fact, she was downright pleasant. We laughed and had a great time. Almost like seeing an old friend. She mentioned that she might add me on Facebook. And then I got worried because she might find out about these posts. But everything I wrote is true. And I think she owns her bitchiness. I almost wanted to go have happy hour with her when our 3 hour day was over. Could she possibly be a huhns? Who knows.
This Bitch I Work With. Part Three: Rosemary Foccaccia
Jun 10th
So the bitch I work with directed her dead eyes at me today.
As you might know, I’ve been a little under the weather lately. I had a touch of a cough. It was annoying. Always having a little tickle. Well, I know that it annoyed the bitch I work with because the day after I started my little coughing attack, she started talking about how she didn’t want to get sick and want to know if any of us had Emergen-C but she would only ask after I would cough and blow my nose. I’m like yeah yeah bitch. You think you are being subtle but you’re soooo obvious. Choke!
Anyway, the bitch I work with as you might remember claims to have a very sensitive nose. She told us the other day that she’s very proud of her ability to pick up on minute smells. But that’s bullcrap because she just announced to everyone in our office. “Oh my god. Someone is eating freshly baked rosemary foccaccia! Can you smell it?” Everyone ignored her for a bit. Then she asked again and we all said no. She proceeded to get up and walk all over the floor asking if anyone was eating rosemary foccaccia. She came back to our room and told us that it smelled really bready in our room more than the rest of the office. And she left to continue hunting. I pondered for a moment why she felt the need to identify where the scent was coming from…but I imagine she wanted to yell at the loaf for making her hungry.
Anyway, once I knew she was gone, I told everyone else in our office that her “impeccable nose is smelling my cherry cough drop. All she smells is menthol. But I don’t have the heart to break the bad news to her.” We all giggled as she came back into the room. “What’s so funny?” “Oh nothing. Did you find the foccaccia?”
This Bitch I Work With. Part Two: The Chewer and the Nose
Jun 9th
Oh my god. Remember that bitch I work with. You know, the one who demands that everyone shut the fuck up?
I’ve always suspected that she secretly complained to our temp agency about eating lunch in the office. Because someone brought a lunch into the office the other day, she totally looked frazzled about it and she got up and returned 10 minutes later. Within about 20 minutes of her coming back, we get an all-hands email about not eating at our desks because of the smell. Well, I never knew if it was this bitch or not. When we moved into a smaller office because my group downsized to 4 temps (but which still happened to include her because I was evil in another life and karma is teaching me a lesson) I told the smaller team that it was totally okay with me if people wanted to eat at their desks because sometimes we want to leave work early. Everyone else was fine with it too, except this bitch I work with. She basically says, “Umm, I think that policy is in place because the temp agency wants to make sure that we are working a concentrated full 8 hours of work and not just 7 and half hours of concentrated work and a half hour of sorta concentration with our minds thinking about food and not focusing on the tasks at hand.” I’m like who the hell put this bitch in charge of everyone. God she’s awful. Anyway, now I’m pretty sure she is the culprit for the lunch policy…after this story:
Well…this guy next to me brought his lunch with him today and he is totally eating it at his desk right next to the bitch. She literally just told this guy that she doesn’t like him eating in the office because she has a strong nose and it’s making her hungry. And since she’s not eating til 1, having to smell his food is making her hungry. However, she understands that he needs to leave early today and therefore she will excuse his eating “this one time” but try not to let it happen again. She then tells us five stories about how she has such an amazing sense of smell. No joke. She’s hideous.
THEN the guy starts munching away loudly. Like insanely loud. With his mouth wide open. It was disgusting. I’ve noticed this about him before with gum. Then, I hear her lean over to him and say, “I don’t mind the eating but I do have one request. I mind you eating with your mouth open.” He was so embarassed, he got up and finished his meal in the common area with the sinks and the soda machine. She’s evil.
This Bitch I Work With. Part One: Silence!
Jun 8th
So as you all know, I’m now a temp. I work in this room that has 10 temps. Anyway, it’s awful and in group settings like that, you really need to be on your best behavior. But I guess no one told that to this bitch I work with.
Our tasks are so tedious; it gets terribly boring. And occasionally people talk to each other, just to pass the time while they read these never-ending documents. It’s very common for people to want to interact with others when they get bored. Anyway, these guys are talking about an upcoming baseball game. Yes, it’s annoying because it’s baseball but hello, they listen to me talk about Trannyshack and no one shuts me up, so I just let them talk.
Well, not this bitch I work with. After the guys finish up their conversation, she turns around and loudly announces to the entire room, “Umm, you all need to keep it down. Your conversations distract me and you talk too loudly. If it’s not work-related, then you shouldn’t be talking about it!” And that was on Day Two of our work together. Umm, if you have that hard of a time concentrating while reading then you need to fucking buy earphones and fucking shut up. Not everyone else’s problem.