Posts tagged Sober

For real none of us really take the Grammys seriously because everyone is still angry O Brother Where Art Thou won Album of the Year over… wait. Nothing deserved a Grammy that year (see: India.Arie, Bob Dylan, Outkast, U2)! That’s the exact problem with the awards — they are given too randomly, too recklessly, and they try way too hard to be cute and important. Bitch, you ain’t the Soul Train Awards! Typically no one really cares about the nominees they have in place.

But this year a couple of our girls are in the running for the big awards and all of D@2 couldn’t be happier. We’re dreaming of a Beyonce vs. GaGa duet performance of Video Phone & Telephone, but we won’t hold our breath. I mean seriously, make that Telephone video already you fucking wet hens!!

All of that aside, here are the nominees in the only relevant categories this show has to offer (with a few of my lofty opinions spun in as well).

Album of the Year

• I Am… Sasha Fierce (Beyonce) want
• The E.N.D. (Black Eyed Peas)
• The Fame (Lady GaGa)
• Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King (Dave Matthews Band) will
• Fearless (Taylor Swift)

I whole-heartedly believe Beyonce’s album is the best of the year, but I’d be happy with a GaGa win as well. Dave Matthews and Swifty are the likely contenders though, considering soft rock & country have had a monopoly over the award in recent years. BEP can eat shit and die at 2.

Song of the Year

• Poker Face (Lady GaGa)
• Pretty Wings (Maxwell)
• Single Ladies (Beyonce) want
• Use Somebody (Kings of Leon)
• You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift) will

If Poker Face or Single Ladies doesn’t take this I’ll seriously die. Eventhough I’m confused as to why Single Ladies isn’t up for Record (sted Song), it still deserves some cred for revitalizing the music video industry (and YouTube) in a big way. But Poker Face is a much better song lyrically and, hello, mah mah mah. The real song of the year – Sober by Pink. “That’s right, I said it.”

Record of the Year

• Halo (Beyonce)
• I Gotta Feeling (Black Eyed Peas)
• Use Somebody (Kings of Leon)
• Poker Face (Lady GaGa) want will
• You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift)

I really want Swifty to get shut out of the big ones (Nick loves her though) so I hope she doesn’t grab this one (I think she will). This award belongs to Single Ladies, but since it can’t win it should be Poker Face, huhhhhhn. Do you think Kings of Leon is a play on “lion, king of the jungle?” Die.

Best New Artist

• Zac Brown Band (who?!)
• Keri Hilson (whhhhaaaa?!)
• MGMT (who?!)
• Silversun Pickups (who?!?!)
• The Ting Tings (you mean ding-a-lings?!)

Who cares. This belongs to GaGa. But I hear a lot of hipsters sweat MGMT so they can have it if they want it.

Need-to-be Winners of the Lesser Awards:

• Female Pop Vocal – Sober (Pink)
• Male Pop Vocal – This Time (John Legend)
• Pop Vocal Album – Funhouse (Pink)
• Dance Recording – Womanizer (Britney); just kidding, as if. Poker Face (Gaggers)
• Dance Album – The Fame (The Lady)
• Female R&B Vocal – Lions, Tigers & Bears (Jazmine Sullivan); ditto on R&B Song
• Contemporary R&B Album – I Am… Sasha Fierce (Beyonce)
• Comedy Album – Suckin’ It for the Holidays (Kathy Griffin)

Also: No thank you on the Michael Jackson 3D television event of the century blackout holocaust magical shit starring Celine Dion, Carrie Underwood, and JHud. We’ll pass on that fifteen minute opening, thanks.

Double also: How dare you not have Rihanna listed as a performer. She needs to preview her next single, Rude Boy, right quick!

Where my bloggers at where my bloggers at where dey at where dey at where dey at,

Benutty

P.S. The Haus should totally come over to my place on Sunday to play Game of Things during the show! Yes? Yes. Bring champerelles.