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Posts tagged Question of the Week
Question of the Week (1/23-1/29)
Jan 26th
Q: If a major network decided to do a reality show based on the Haus of Hunnies… and you all eventually voted each other off the show, who would win and why?
Here’s the thing, to answer this question I have to frame it within the guidelines of one of the possible shows we’d be on (Survivor and Big Brother) because as a faithful viewer of competition reality shows I know that it takes certain skills to win each.
Survivor
At the final 5 Gary Jr. goes home because during the food auction he spends all his Ke$ha on a cheeseburger and fries, losing the chance at a one-up on getting a much-needed immunity. Everyone wants him gone because he doesn’t help around the camp and rode Nick’s coattails the whole game. Bye cow. Moo.
At the final 4 I win immunity because my Cartier brooch shining in the sun blinds the rest of them, distracting them from the challenge and they all fall off their perch. Of the remaining three Alfie is likely to send himself home because he has a real problem setting a strategy and following through with it until the end (see: Alfie playing Blokus). He also isn’t as competitive as the other mamis and cares more about having a good time along the way than winning. Honestly, he’d probably would have won immunity 2 weeks prior and given it away coz he felt bad. Either way, bye cock. Go fuck a hen.
The final 3 (me, Jay and Nick) go in front of the jury. The jury is turned off by Jay’s literal interpretation of an opening statement and deems his speech too formal to deserve a vote. Nick and I are more argumentative, each making strong cases for why our cunning, deceptive, manipulative, and super cute decisions along the way serve as reasons for us to win. Nick threatens the life of each jury member. I blow them kisses. Nick wins. Oink.
Big Brother
At the final 5 Gary Jr. is HoH, nominates Nick and Jay. Alfie and I are sick of being forced to play Nick’s homemade board games so we vote him out. Also, no one really liked his cookies.
At the final 4 Jay voluntarily leaves because he thinks that Nick might finally give it up in the Jury House — there are less cameras so surely Nick won’t have an excuse not to put out. At the Jury House Nick is pissed that Jay left because he would have won, so he uses that as an excuse not to have sex. Oink.
The final 3 immunity challenge is always made up of three events. The first being stamina. Gary Jr. loses, obviously. Due to his yoga skills, Alfie wins and moves on to Part 3 of the challenge. Part 2 is always some random event, like ski-ball or golf or filling a 8 foot beer stein with soap and rubber balls. Gary Jr. mistakes the soap for actual beer, drinks it and passes out. I win Part 2. Part 3 is always guessing how evicted houseguests finish sentences, and since I paid more attention to everyone I win immunity and vote Alfie out.
With Gary Jr. and me in the finals, Gary Jr. wins because Nick convinces all the others that I don’t deserve it. We all know Nick’s competitive philosophy, as long as Benutty loses Nick wins.
Final answer: Ultimately, who cares who wins, I get second in both scenarios. Cutiez. The only reason I don’t win is because — well, the animals are right — I overthink everything.
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Stay tuned for the other responses this week.
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Question of the Week (1/23-1/29)
Jan 24th
Q: If a major network decided to do a reality show based on the Haus of Hunnies… and you all eventually voted each other off the show, who would win and why?
Five hunnies picked to live in a haus. And have their lives taped. To find out what happens when hunnies stop being polite and start getting stung. The Honey Hive: Haus of Hunnies.
(Thanks FrankieRose for the question. You weirdo. Love it!) First, what are the qualities in a hunny that make a winner? Well, I would say the winner must (1) be sneaky, (2) be a quick talker, (3) have an honest face, (4) have some sort of useful skill for communal living, and finally (5) be liked by others during the finale episode where they all vote on the last two people.
For Benutty, he’s definitely sneaky. He’s always texting Nick about me and texting me about Nick. Too bad everyone’s on to his game. He’s definitely a quick talker. He never uses complete sentences. He combinesstatementsintosinglewords. However, Benutty lacks the next three winning traits. His face does not scream honest. He has a mischievous smile and no poker face. MaMaMaMyPokerFace. He has no useful communal skills. Sure, he can write but can he fish? Sure, he’s good with black poles and stripper poles…but I’ve never seen a fishing pole in his hand. “Therefore, I regret to inform Benutty that his honeycomb has been drained. Please buzz off.”
For Nick. Sneaky? Yes. Quick talker? Yes. In fact, sometimes he forgets to take a breath when speaking. And then he gasps during sentences. Honest face? Can anyone even stand looking at that dirty mug? Nope. Useful skills? Probably. He’d most likely create a board game out of conch shells, coconuts and grains of rice. That’s pretty useful and might fool a couple people. But in the finale, no one would vote for that dirty pig. “Sorry piggie, your honey’s gone sour. Please buzz off.”
I wouldn’t be a winner. Why? Because I wouldn’t be on that fucking show. It’s said that television adds 20 pounds. Well, real life already adds 245 pounds and frankly, I don’t think my little bovine heart could handle the pressure. Plus, if anyone’s seen me play Catch Phrase you’d realize I can only last about 15 minutes in a high stress situation before having heart palpitations. You can thank my mom (FayeFaye) for that. “Sorry Gary Jr., you died during filming.”
Jay might actually go far in this sort of situation. He has totally random skills that would come handy in this game. As long as he had his police scanner and an internet connection. He would play the game honestly and people would appreciate that (especially in the finale). But he’d never make it to the finale because his honesty would be his downfall. You see, Jay would form an unholy alliance with Alfie. Thinking that Alfie was like him but Alfie would rape Jay (in a game-playing sort of way). “Sorry Jay, you’ve got hives. Buzz off.”
Alfie would win. Why? He has an honest face. Everyone likes him. But he’s learned sneakiness and bitchiness from the best (Benutty, Nick and me). He has all those disgustingly handy skills that straight guys have. He’d be the one to carry the water buckets from the freshwater spring a mile from the camp while the queers are playing Craig’s coconut game or preparing my funeral plans. He’d also be the one to make a net from palm leaves and would fish using it. Basically, Alfie would feed all of us for weeks, gaining our trust…and then each week would be the mastermind behind the demise of each one of us. “Dirty bitch. Wise hunny. And the winner of The Honey Hive. Alfie, you are The Queen Bee!”
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Question of the Week (01/16 – 01/22)
Jan 19th
Q: In a catfight, who do you think would win, and why? Barbra Streisand, Liza Minnelli, or Bette Midler?
Thanks KiKi for the question.
I’ve always felt that Bette was a no-holds barred kind of bitch. I think back to The Rose and Beaches. And I think yeah. She’d knock a bitch out.
But that was in the 70s and 80s. Nick is right. Bette’s lost her edge. She’s plumped up in the mid-section and taken on a more matronly role in her later years. Shoot! Doesn’t she have a show on the Vegas Strip now? That’s not catfight material, unless you’re Cher (sorry Celine). Bette was clearly offended by Kathy Griffin in that episode of the D-List. And for me, that’s enough to prove she’s not going to win in a catfight against these Divas. Don’t let that façade fool you. Bette’s milder.
As for Babs, umm. Well, clearly she lost the catfight she had with her hair and makeup crew so how will she really win in a catfight against The Divas.
So that leaves us with Our Lady Liza. Liza is a shithouse rat. With the soup of barbiturates, Quaaludes and gin running through that poor woman’s constitution, she feels no pain. Babs could break Liza’s hip and Liza wouldn’t even waffle while ripping through the red locks from Bette’s head. In fact, the fumes that emanate from her oversized pores are strong enough to cause paralysis in The Divas. Many fans have reported a strong stupor upon meeting Our Lady Liza. This shields Our Lady Liza from any surprise attacks. Besides look at her.
Clearly, she feeds off the souls of others. Our Lady Liza is a dementor. No mere mortal Diva can defeat Liza’s Kiss. And you will respect her.
Toodles,
Gary Jr.
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Question of the Week (01/16 – 01/22)
Jan 19th
Q: In a catfight, who do you think would win, and why? Barbra Streisand, Liza Minnelli, or Bette Midler?
Now. Liza is my girl. Especially when Lucille expands her apartment into Lucille2′s kitchen and L2 goes hella vertigo-batshit crazy because of it.
Argh. And how do you forget Bette as Winifred in Hocus Pocus?! Can’t tell you how many times I’ve performed “I Put a Spell on You” in front of the mirror. Let me tell you, that spell is effing dangerous.
But considering that apparently this bitch started the GaGa monster claw decades ago, I’ll have to go with her.
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Question of the Week (01/09 – 01/15)
Jan 13th
Q: What was your first impression of all the gays when you first met them?
-Jay: I remember a bar. I remember her glasses. I remember her long, blonde Rapunzel-like hair. And I remember wondering who created her, and why. Everything else is lost to me now. I really don’t recall the first time I met Jay, but I don’t think my impression of him has changed much over the years. I still wonder who created her. And why.
-Gary Jr.: We were introduced to each other by Nick at a bar in the Castro for happy hour. He was with some other friend (I can never remember his name) and a lesboodaga (I never pay attention to their names) and I thought he was a hellarious ball of jelly fun. But then he probably began to tell a lot of stories associated with his high-profile career and I got bored, stopped paying attention, forgot who he was, and started focusing my attention on the hottest black man in the bar. I loved Gary Jr. then. But I hate him now. He kills me.
-Nick: Yes. We met in a gay internet chatroom. I was young. I thought Nick was cool, although living in Arizona at the time. The profile pic he used then is still, to this day, his picture of choice for use online and I thought it was cute. I remember singing “I Could Fall in Love” to him on the phone, thinking surely if I did that he’d fall in love with me. When he came back to California we had a few lets-drive-around-then-make-out-in-my-car-in-a-new-track-home-empty-neighborhood dates, and he dumped me shortly after. I was devastated. And I was 12 at the time. He must have been about 27. Or 72. My dyslexia keeps me from ever truly knowing the ages of my luvvahs. It’s also why I’m better than Nick at The Game of Things.
-Alfie: I know this wasn’t the first time I met Alfie, but it is the only early memory I have of him. He and his girlfriend, after having tossed back a shit ton of margaritas all day, met the rest of us at a bar in the Castro. Gary Jr. and I whispered discretely about how abusive Alfie’s girlfriend was being because seriously the palm of her hand was slapped across his cheek about 23808234 times that night. And what else could I think of him than to assume that he was a little bottom-bitch to a much more powerful, surely lesbianic, and insanely perfectly-bodied dominatrix. Only part of that is true, but irregardless I love Alfie to death and wouldn’t choose any other cock to wake up the Farm every morning. And his girlfriend is pretty awesome, too. She’s even better than Nick at games.
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Stay tuned for our answers next week. To next week’s Question of the Week. Weak.
If you’d like to ask us a question for next week, please email us at questions@deadat2am.com
Question of the Week (01/09 – 01/15)
Jan 12th
Q: What was your first impression of all the guys when you first met them?
-Jay: Jay and I worked together for 2 years and never actually met. Then, in the summer of 2006 we were both hand selected out of a group, of otherwise pathetic losers, and promoted together to supervisors. We bonded by discussing the eventual downfall of our job due to the ignorance of all who worked there, including our supervisors. We both still work together, having since both been promoted and from the higher ranks we now have a better view of just how doomed our workplace is to failure. Jay is not the same person at work as he is at home, as i quickly learned.
-Nick: Jay invited me to Nick’s birthday party that same summer of 2006. Upon arrival (on time according to the evite, but 3 hours early according to party rules) I found myself alone with Nick and Jay. Jay of course (also according to party rules) was belligerent and greeting me with a sarcastic comment about my timing and a firm handshake… with my balls. It was here when I met Nick who promptly apologized, and introduced himself. I chatted with Nick for the next 30 minutes before other guests arrived. Nick saved me from Jay’s continuous attempts at grabbing me, but I soon learned it was only because he wanted me to himself. Despite Nick’s polite and gentle nature toward me my first impression was that he was a psycho bitch. More on that later.
-Gary jr: Among the first guests to arrive that same night was Gary jr. It only takes two minutes and one drink for Gary jr. to become the life of the party. Gary mixes his mature sharp wit and intelligent humor with a sloppy drunk nonsense you wouldn’t expect. My first impression of Gary held the most honest and foretelling of the group. He continues to impress me with his intelligence and his humor. As for his claims of my falling in love with him, lies only a lawyer could tell.
-Benutty: Benutty was also at this same party which serves as the cornerstone of my relationships with most of the group. I wish I could say I met him that night as I did the others, but this is where my first impression of Nick goes sour. As I was making my rounds and meeting all of Nick and Jay’s friends I was caught off guard by yelling and a disturbance in the other room. As the party stopped in curiosity somebody came out of the room to inform us half laughing half scared that Nick was throwing all of Benutty’s possessions out the window. Yelling insued and Nick violently escorted Benutty to the door. Confused and scared, I placed my drink gently in the sink and slid out the door a few minutes later. Where I actually officially met Benutty, I can’t remember. I am sure though that it was a positive impression. I can remember that Beutty was the one who early on helped me understand the dynamics of the group and laughed at the tragedy of everybody. I’m sure it was a similar night, Jay probably attempted to grab my balls, Nick probably saved me, Gary probably made me lose drink through my nose, and Benutty and I shared glances and smirks wordlessly hating (loving) all of our friends.
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Question of the Week (01/09 – 01/15)
Jan 11th
Q: What was your first impression of all the guys when you first met them?
-Jay: Summer 2005. Okay, let’s get it straight. Jay likes to think he’s more popular than he is. Those 15 Friendster messages (or 4) related to the fact that he was interested in moving into my apartment and I was attempting to entice him into moving into my apartment. You see, I was desperate and willing to do anything to get a third roommate (and if that meant putting out a little, then that was something I was willing to suffer through. And believe me, with Jay, it would be suffering).
-Benutty: I’ve never met this person before in my life.
-Nick: August 2. 2005. Jay had just recently moved into my apartment and he brought over to the house his little bottom boy. I had just recently learned that Nick even existed. Now, based on what I had heard from both Jay and Melissa (the second roommate), Nick had moved to San Francisco just to be closer to Jay because Jay had just moved to the City a few weeks earlier. (I later found out that that was a lie and Jay likes to think he’s more popular than he really is. See above). As I walked into my apartment, I heard squealing and mooing from the living room. I was expecting to meet some desperate freak who had somehow attached to Jay. We talked briefly and he seemed really nice (little did I know then the grand bitch had entered my life). I was planning to go on a month long trip to Central America the next day so I couldn’t talk long; I still had to pack. Little did Jay know then but Nick would soon replace him in my heart.
-Alfie: I’m sure it was at some bar or drinking event. I think Jay invited him to a party I was at. Like a party hosted by the perpetually-drunk Nick. Alfie and I got drunk. We chatted each other up a bit. He confessed his love to me. I confessed my love for Nick. And I broke his heart. It took years before we got back to a place where we could be friends.
-Benutty: Alright. Back to Benutty. Frankly, I don’t remember my first impression about him. We definitely met at a bar. Nick was inviting his old friend Benutty over to kick it with us. Benutty was terribly funny. He was literate. He could hold his liquor. Everything Nick is not, therefore I loved him. (Nick, literate means being able to read and write). Anyway, he must have made a good impression because a few months later when Benutty got kicked out of a house party and Benutty had nowhere to spend the night (except for a hotel), I may have taken him in like a stray cat. Benutty, my little pusspuss.
Toodles,
Gary Jr.
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Question of the Week (01/09 – 01/15)
Jan 10th
Q: What was your first impression of all the guys when you first met them?
-Nick: I met Nick in a Sacramento gay bar in 2004. He told me his email address on gmail, his email address on yahoo, his email address on hotmail and his AIM screen name. I think he wanted me to contact him. He contacted me again a few weeks later.
-Gary Jr.: Gary sent me 10 messages on friendster in 2005. (10 points if you know what friendster is.) He wanted to talk to me really badly also.
-Benutty: Who? Not a clue. Clearly not memorable.
-Alfie: Work, 2006. He thought I was straight. Jokes on him.
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Question of the Week (01/09 – 01/15)
Jan 9th
This week’s question was asked by Shawnito from Livermore, CA:
Q: What was your first impression of all the guys when you first met them?
-Jay: When I met Jay I was pretty drunk… I thought he was cute, and I hit on him. He didn’t seem like your typical homo… so that was good. Things may have gotten heated after that, but I’ll never tell.
-Gary Jr.: I met this bitch for the first time on my birthday… We really didn’t talk, but he did talk about his upcoming trip to Central America. He seemed like a nice guy, and he was totally adorable. Little did I know he was a total mess. I’m sure you’ve seen the videos.
-Benutty: I met Lil B. online in a chat room, and I thought he was cuties… He was so young though and it showed. I was depressed living in Phoenix, so it was nice to have someone to escape with…even if it was just online or over the phone. Let me just say though… without me he would not be who he is today… No No.. Your happiness is thanks enough.
-Alfie: I heard about this bitch before I actually met him, and my first impression of Alfie was that he was a young hot piece of ass. He ended up being not only hot, but an awesome person also.
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Question of the Week!
Jan 8th
I think this might be fun.
- You send us questions… Asking us anything you like
- We pick one question each week
- We each answer them within that week
- And the cycle continues…
You can send your questions to questions@deadat2am.com
Please give us your name, or the name you want us to identify you with, your question, and the city you are from.
Thankies!