Posts tagged Question of the Week

Question of the Week (07/20 – 07/26)

This week’s question was asked by Calipeach of Palmdale, CA:

I’d like each of you to give three guesses as to what Gary Jr. might find hiding in his belly flap. Of course if three guesses is not enough, by all means give as many as needed?

Thanks for the question Calipeach…  You know this question is asked a lot by those who know Gary Jr.   The deep crevices of his belly flap can hold a whole assortment of things at any time.   For a long time now it was believed that only his wallet, phone, and a 6 pack of condoms were in there (you never know how lucky you are gonna get), but recently he surprised me….

We were driving thru Napa wine country on a beautiful hot summer day when suddenly we both had the urge to stop and buy a bottle of wine at my favorite winery Peju.   I ended up buying a case of their Carnival dessert wine.  It’s very delicious.   We continued driving thru wine country when the heat just got so unbearable.  As a joke, I told Gary Jr. that we should just open a bottle and start drinking.  After all, it takes a lot of wine to get me drunk… ok!   He loved the idea, but soon I realized that we didn’t have any wine glasses, or a bottle opener.  No sooner was I about to mention it did Gary Jr. pull a wine opener out from under his belly flap. I gasp and said “You’ve got to be kidding me you stupid awful bitch!”…  He glanced over at me and yelled out “A lady is always prepared for anything!”.  Once he got the bottle open I figured we would just take turns drinking from the bottle but again I was surprised when Gary Jr. pulled two wine glasses out from his belly flap.  After I removed what looked like belly button lint out of my glass I poured me some wine and drank up.   How impressed was I?   Later that day when we got hungry he even pulled out some little sandwiches…. but he told me… “I used to carry the mayo on the side, as not everyone likes it, but then I had that incident with the jar of mayo breaking…. ouch!”

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Question of the Week (07/06-07/13)

This week’s question was asked by Ryan of Sausalito, CA:

The blog has slowed down recently. What have you all been up to?

Busted!  Yea the blog has slowed down a bit.  For me… I have been busy doing shit.  In June I was volunteering with SF Pride, and currently I am putting the final touches on the Amazing Race I am hosting.   I’ll be back on track soon I am sure.

I think we need to bust out the video camera and start making some short films. Yesss..  New project for me.  Be prepared bitches.

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Question of the Week 04/03 – 04/09

What are your top 3 Disney/Pixar animated feature films of all time? And which villain has most inspired your personality and/or signature look? (Coz bitches, you isn’t princesses huhhhnnss!!)

  1. The Fox and the Hound– it’s a forgotten classic. it’s makes me cry every time. the story of a fox and hound who become friends as children on a farm. the orphaned fox is raised by an old grandma who is lonely but when the fox grows up she releases him into the wild. Soon they discover they have been dealt life’s cruelest joke: in the real world, a fox and a hound could never be friends. they are born enemies. the first time i watched it. i was positive that my grandma was the old woman character in it. also, there is a big fat ass owl named Big Mama. umm, hello. this movie was meant for me. and it was made the year i was born. love it.
  2. One Hundred and One Dalmatians — i friggin love cruella de vil and sergeant tibbs. and i also love how crazy the animation looks when cruella is frantically driving her car in the snow and mud. so good.
  3. The Little Mermaid — i love the this movie. it was run on a loop during my entire 8th or 9th year of life. me and my niece who was about my age (because my family is ghetto) watched that movie all the time. loved it. still do. i could sit through the entire movie any day and still enjoy it. go on and kiss da girl. waah whoa.
  4. Honorable Mention goes to Robin Hood and Peter Pan. cuties.

Ursula = me. Refer to Sweetums and my purple tentacles. Signature look comes from Snow White’s evil queen….because I have that costume in drag. Just haven’t had the chance to wear it out yet. teehee.__________________

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Question of the Week please!

Hey all you bitches… I know you are reading this, so don’t try to play games.  We still need a question for next week, so send them in ho’s!  That’s right… I said it.

Submit a question here or post the question in the comment section.  Do it or die.

UPDATE:

I wanted to also say that we posted a poll on the right hand side of the page.  Take a look and vote.  If you have any comments about the poll or want to suggest something else leave a comment below. ———————>

Question of the Week (02/27 – 03/05)

This week’s question was asked by Jesse from New York City, NY:

Q: Answer the following taboo questions:

RELIGION, PHILOSOPHY AND POLITICS:

01) Do you believe in God?
–Although I enjoy fairy tales, I do not believe they actually exist.

02) What religion, if any, do you most identify yourself with?
–I don’t identify with any religion.  Organized religion is wrong.

03) Do you feel that your religious beliefs have a place in the legislative process?
–I don’t think anyone’s religious beliefs should have a place in politics.

04) How do you feel about gun control in America?
–I am against guns. We should repeal the 2nd amendment.

05) Are the homosexuals going to ruin the institution of marriage in America?
–Heterosexuals have already done that.

SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK N ROLL:

01) If you had to have sex with a celebrity that went against your sexual preference for the good of the world, who would you choose?
–Madonna (duh)

02) If you had to have sex with someone you know that went against your sexual preference for the good of the world, who would you choose?
–Irene haha

03) What dead person would you most like to have had sex with before they departed this mortal coil?
–Um… JFK Jr.

04) Have you ever had a threesome or been involved in an orgy with more than three people?
–Of course… many times.

05) Excluding multiple partner sex, have you ever had sex with more than one person in a 24 hour period?
–Sure have.

06) What about a 12 hour period you dirty whore?
–No… I am not a dirty whore thank you very much!

07) Do you LIKE pornography you pervert?
–Probably not as much as everyone else, but I do enjoy it.   The problem here is finding something with men I find attractive.

08) Have you ever talked on the phone during sex?
–I think I did once a long time ago.

09) If so, how long was the phone conversation as opposed to the actual sex?
–It was a short conversation.

10) Have you ever been tied up and used like the dirty slut you are?
–Do I look like Gary Jr?  Nope.. I don’t like that kind of stuff.

11) What is the strangest place you have ever had sex?
–Next to a dumpster in an alley, or in a restaurant bathroom.

12) What is your opinion on anal sex?
–It takes a lot of work.  Preparing, executing, cleaning… It’s not always worth the time.

13) Okay be honest – do you REALLY like performing oral sex or is it just a necessary evil you have to commit to in order to please your partner and wait for your turn?
–I like doing it.  Doesn’t bother me I guess. (Jay… don’t get ideas)

14) Did you fall in love with the first person other than yourself who gave you an orgasm?
–No… the first person to give me an orgasm was lame, and uneventful.

15) Lastly, to give our readers something to savor, have you ever tasted your own jizz?
–Of course I have.  There is no way any guy has never done this… curiosity is a bitch!
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Question of the Week (02/20 – 02/26)

Q: What TV commercial bothers you the most?

There is one company that makes commercials that really bother me. The “He Went to Jared” commercials. Those are the fucking worst! Unfortunately I could not find the one I hate the most, the one where the bitch is playing a crossword, but this one here is pretty bad.

I mean… how creepy is it that the car locks him in because it wants that awful looking necklace. Whoever makes these commercials needs to die.

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Question of the Week (02/20 – 02/26)

This week’s question was asked by Jimmy from Phoenix, AZ:

Q: What TV commercial bothers you the most?

Hi Jimmy. Thanks for your question. This is SUCH an important question because there are so many commercials that make me want to kill myself and I want to share my pain with others. There’s that Olympic commercial with the patients saying AAH which they turn into a song. Eww. That makes me want to gag. But there’s something even worse. 9 times worse.

There is a series of 9 commercials from one website that make me want to murder the world. That website is www.freecreditreport.com. And each one of their commercials has its own special name. One is called Rollercoaster. One is called Renaissance Fair. But the absolute worst is called ROCKSTAR. Does it bother you bitches too? Those band members are ugly. Well, I say all of the band members are ugly but that’s not true. Especially for the Cro-Magnon drummer. Mmhmm. Oh who am I kidding? He’s not a Cro-Magnon; he’s a cutie! I would have sex with Mario Telaro in a freecreditreport.com minute. He could ride in my Pinto with a Zack Morris cellular phone any day. Hey Mario, I’ve got a 798 on my credit score. Come n get it drummer boy. Paa bump in my rump, pretty please, drummer boy.

(Dear Mario Telaro, If you ever read this post when you google your name, please send me a headshot and what is your least favorite commercial. I promise I will include a better picture of you and will give you mad props. However, if it’s one of your other band members…meh. It’s gary@deadat2am.com in case you were curious. Toodles!)

The Only Cro-Magnon I'd Do

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Question of the Week (02/13 – 02/19)

This week’s question was asked by Dora from San Francisco, CA:

Q: If you could be a woman for 24 hours what would you do?

This question is fairly easy for me to answer.  I would sleep with as many straight guys as possible.  I would be the biggest whore in the city for that one day. Of course with my luck I would probably be on my period for that one day, but I don’t mind bleeding all over some fools.  Won’t be my problem.

Also it would be interesting to see what I could hide up in my who-haw. It would be like a secret pocket n shit.  “Oh you only take Visa?… OK one sec while I fetch it”   What!

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Question of the Week (02/06 – 02/12)

Q: If you lost your sense of smell, what 3 smells would you miss the most and why?

Hrm. I’m having a tough time thinking of three smells that I even remember! I certainly don’t go around sniffing the water at Disneyland, nor do I have any affection for the wet-poop-air of Palmdale, and I never want to waste my furlough Fridays sniffing Misha’s pillows so, I mean, I’m really at a loss here.

But let’s see. I’d miss… er… the smell of, um…

  1. a dirty sriracha martini lingering on my warm winter breath
  2. new-old rhinestones sunbathing in the jewelry tray at goodwill on clement street
  3. cum lingering on nick’s warm summer oink

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Question of the Week (01/30 – 02/05)

Q: If you had to go back in time, and change one thing that you did in your life what would it be?

For those of you who know my background, you’re probably thinking that the obvious answer to this question is that I went to a small private Christian college for undergrad and suffered under its tyrannical and Puritanical ways. From 18-21, I was a major closet case. I couldn’t obvious come out completely to everyone for fear of getting expelled from college. Seriously. They expelled queers…oh and pregnant girls. So I really could only tell a small group of people at college. Religious undergrad was a weird lame choice but it isn’t actually something that I regret. You see, from that experience, I have a handful of friends that are so amazing. So amazing, in fact, that almost any shitty experience is worth it to have friends like L’Angie or Joy or Tanya or Carla or Roz or even La Nicole. Those are some good peeps right there.

Anyway, I think my biggest regret would be not coming out to my family fast enough. I mean, everyone in my family knew it. My dad was like, “Yeah, yeah. We already know” when I told him. But the part that sucks is that I never told my Grandma. And my Grandma was hella tight. We had a crazy great relationship. I was her favorite (sorry KiKi…haha). She told me all kinds of family secrets and growing up I spent every Friday night and Saturday morning with her. I don’t even know how to explain it but she was down. It would have been cool for her to know I was gay and to talk to her about that part of my life. She always gave me killer advice and it would have been nice to get her perspective on the queers. I seriously talked to her like once a week. She had a great take on life and a whole lot of insight left my life when she died. I kinda wish she could have met Misha…or that Misha could have met her.

Oh well. I suppose that’s just life, isn’t it?

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Question of the Week (01/30 – 02/05)

Q: If you had to go back in time, and change one thing that you did in your life what would it be?

There are two decisions I’ve made in my life that if I had to I would make differently — and since both of them have to do with college I think it’s ok that I mention both.

The first was my decision as a junior in high school to apply to only a handful of colleges (Stanford, St. Mary’s, Columbia and Sac State). For whatever reason I thought I’d be going to the best (Stanford & Columbia) or the worst (Sac State) or something completely off the wall (St. Mary’s). I got rejected from Stanford, filled out but never sent my application to Columbia, and got into the other two. But instead of going to either of them I decided I wasn’t ready and took the community college route (which, ironically, turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life). But in hindsight I think I would have benefited from applying to a larger pool of schools and having gone to one of them.

The second was my decision after I graduated from Berkeley to move back to Sacramento for a year rather than move straight to San Francisco. In that year I spent in Sac I lost a lot of time with the friendships and connections I had gained while in college and those relationships have since suffered because of that lost time. Granted, being back in Sacramento allowed me to spend much missed time with my family and friends there and gave me more drive to move back to the Bay.

I think the important thing I’ve learned about both of those things is that I was afraid of taking risks. In both cases I took the easy & familiar route, but would have been better off making the harder decisions to move away from home earlier and to have not returned back so quickly instead of continuing on my individual journey. But these are lessons I’ve now learned and I can’t regret that!

I am very happy with my life right now and had either of those decisions been made differently I can’t say that I’d be exactly where I am today, and that would be far more regrettable than having made either of those decisions. I truly believe that people should be proud of their accomplishments and excited about the lessons they learn from their mistakes. There is no point dwelling in the past and wishing you made different choices. I say “Fuck it, grab a knife today and kill a pig or cow tomorrow!”

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Question of the Week (01/30 – 02/05)

This week’s question was asked by Marco from Dallas, TX:

Q: If you had to go back in time, and change one thing that you did in your life what would it be?

Well there are so many things that I would like to change.  I’ve done so much stupid shit in my life it’s not even funny.   Would I like to change the time I put mustard all over my families cars…yes. Would I like to change my performance in school… obviously.. I could do a lot better than C’s.  Would I like to have come out sooner than I did… hellz yea.

I’d like to change a lot of things I have done in life, but the one most important thing I would like to change is that I wish I would have gone to therapy a lot sooner.  I was a little bit out of control emotionally, and if I had convinced my parents at a young age to get me therapy I think I would have enjoyed my childhood and teenage years.  Therapy is the smartest thing I ever did, for I would have never been able to keep the great friends that I have now without it.

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Question of the Week (1/23-1/29)

Q: If a major network decided to do a reality show based on the Haus of Hunnies… and you all eventually voted each other off the show, who would win and why?

Here’s the thing, to answer this question I have to frame it within the guidelines of one of the possible shows we’d be on (Survivor and Big Brother) because as a faithful viewer of competition reality shows I know that it takes certain skills to win each.

Survivor

At the final 5 Gary Jr. goes home because during the food auction he spends all his Ke$ha on a cheeseburger and fries, losing the chance at a one-up on getting a much-needed immunity. Everyone wants him gone because he doesn’t help around the camp and rode Nick’s coattails the whole game. Bye cow. Moo.

At the final 4 I win immunity because my Cartier brooch shining in the sun blinds the rest of them, distracting them from the challenge and they all fall off their perch. Of the remaining three Alfie is likely to send himself home because he has a real problem setting a strategy and following through with it until the end (see: Alfie playing Blokus). He also isn’t as competitive as the other mamis and cares more about having a good time along the way than winning. Honestly, he’d probably would have won immunity 2 weeks prior and given it away coz he felt bad. Either way, bye cock. Go fuck a hen.

The final 3 (me, Jay and Nick) go in front of the jury. The jury is turned off by Jay’s literal interpretation of an opening statement and deems his speech too formal to deserve a vote.  Nick and I are more argumentative, each making strong cases for why our cunning, deceptive, manipulative, and super cute decisions along the way serve as reasons for us to win. Nick threatens the life of each jury member. I blow them kisses. Nick wins. Oink.

Big Brother

At the final 5 Gary Jr. is HoH, nominates Nick and Jay. Alfie and I are sick of being forced to play Nick’s homemade board games so we vote him out. Also, no one really liked his cookies.

At the final 4 Jay voluntarily leaves because he thinks that Nick might finally give it up in the Jury House — there are less cameras so surely Nick won’t have an excuse not to put out. At the Jury House Nick is pissed that Jay left because he would have won, so he uses that as an excuse not to have sex. Oink.

The final 3 immunity challenge is always made up of three events. The first being stamina. Gary Jr. loses, obviously. Due to his yoga skills, Alfie wins and moves on to Part 3 of the challenge. Part 2 is always some random event, like ski-ball or golf or filling a 8 foot beer stein with soap and rubber balls. Gary Jr. mistakes the soap for actual beer, drinks it and passes out. I win Part 2. Part 3 is always guessing how evicted houseguests finish sentences, and since I paid more attention to everyone I win immunity and vote Alfie out.

With Gary Jr. and me in the finals, Gary Jr. wins because Nick convinces all the others that I don’t deserve it. We all know Nick’s competitive philosophy, as long as Benutty loses Nick wins.

Final answer: Ultimately, who cares who wins, I get second in both scenarios. Cutiez. The only reason I don’t win is because — well, the animals are right — I overthink everything.

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Question of the Week (1/23-1/29)

Q: If a major network decided to do a reality show based on the Haus of Hunnies… and you all eventually voted each other off the show, who would win and why?

I do appreciate that Gary Jr. has decided that I would win this sure to be dramatic series, however…

I believe his logic is based on the idea that the audience was voting, but the question clearly states that we are voting each other off and as a perceived threat, I would surely be voted off first. So who would survive? Lets break it down:

Nick: Perceiving himself to be the greatest at games would surely be overconfident and show his cards to quickly. Explosive with drama and quick to point out everybody’s faults Nick would tie himself into too many alliances and stab too many backs too quickly. Nick would make it a few episodes, but he will not survive.

Gary Jr: Despite what he says, Gary Jr. could not resist the opportunity to spotlight his talent and launch his singing career and would be a large part of the show.  You know the person on every reality TV show who is obviously more interested in launching a TV career than winning… I present to you… Gary Jr. These characters are always audience favorites, but never win. Gary Jr. would take 3rd place but he is sure to get the spin off: ” Kicked off the farm: Utters in the Gutters”

Benutty: Benutty is a reality TV show mastermind! Benutty doesn’t just watch reality TV he creates reality games for his friends/family. Benutty has all of the skills and knowledge to win. He has just enough personality and persuasion to keep himself on the show and downplay his threat to us as we kick each other off. Benutty would be the favorite if it wasn’t for…

Jay: Silent Jay. As the episodes go on one by one, a silent bartender character, often absent from the action comes periodically in an out of the screen as the hunnies clap and demand more booze. Drunk champagne and cocktail filled drama, laughter, and games give the show substance and Jay gets mistaken for a network provided extra who serves the booze. Forgetting that Jay is playing Benutty would probably declare himself the winner during the second to last voting believing himself to be the only one left.

Benutty or Jay? The winner of this final challenge would depend on what comes in handy more. Does Benutty pick a lock with his broach, or can Jay break open a door with his crow bar. This one is too close to call.

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Question of the Week (1/23-1/29)

Q: If a major network decided to do a reality show based on the Haus of Hunnies… and you all eventually voted each other off the show, who would win and why?

Five hunnies picked to live in a haus. And have their lives taped. To find out what happens when hunnies stop being polite and start getting stung. The Honey Hive: Haus of Hunnies.

(Thanks FrankieRose for the question. You weirdo. Love it!) First, what are the qualities in a hunny that make a winner? Well, I would say the winner must (1) be sneaky, (2) be a quick talker, (3) have an honest face, (4) have some sort of useful skill for communal living, and finally (5) be liked by others during the finale episode where they all vote on the last two people.

For Benutty, he’s definitely sneaky. He’s always texting Nick about me and texting me about Nick. Too bad everyone’s on to his game. He’s definitely a quick talker. He never uses complete sentences. He combinesstatementsintosinglewords. However, Benutty lacks the next three winning traits. His face does not scream honest. He has a mischievous smile and no poker face. MaMaMaMyPokerFace. He has no useful communal skills. Sure, he can write but can he fish? Sure, he’s good with black poles and stripper poles…but I’ve never seen a fishing pole in his hand. “Therefore, I regret to inform Benutty that his honeycomb has been drained. Please buzz off.”

For Nick. Sneaky? Yes. Quick talker? Yes. In fact, sometimes he forgets to take a breath when speaking. And then he gasps during sentences. Honest face? Can anyone even stand looking at that dirty mug? Nope. Useful skills? Probably. He’d most likely create a board game out of conch shells, coconuts and grains of rice. That’s pretty useful and might fool a couple people. But in the finale, no one would vote for that dirty pig. “Sorry piggie, your honey’s gone sour. Please buzz off.”

I wouldn’t be a winner. Why? Because I wouldn’t be on that fucking show. It’s said that television adds 20 pounds. Well, real life already adds 245 pounds and frankly, I don’t think my little bovine heart could handle the pressure. Plus, if anyone’s seen me play Catch Phrase you’d realize I can only last about 15 minutes in a high stress situation before having heart palpitations. You can thank my mom (FayeFaye) for that. “Sorry Gary Jr., you died during filming.”

Jay might actually go far in this sort of situation. He has totally random skills that would come handy in this game. As long as he had his police scanner and an internet connection. He would play the game honestly and people would appreciate that (especially in the finale). But he’d never make it to the finale because his honesty would be his downfall. You see, Jay would form an unholy alliance with Alfie. Thinking that Alfie was like him but Alfie would rape Jay (in a game-playing sort of way). “Sorry Jay, you’ve got hives. Buzz off.”

Alfie would win. Why? He has an honest face. Everyone likes him. But he’s learned sneakiness and bitchiness from the best (Benutty, Nick and me). He has all those disgustingly handy skills that straight guys have. He’d be the one to carry the water buckets from the freshwater spring a mile from the camp while the queers are playing Craig’s coconut game or preparing my funeral plans. He’d also be the one to make a net from palm leaves and would fish using it. Basically, Alfie would feed all of us for weeks, gaining our trust…and then each week would be the mastermind behind the demise of each one of us. “Dirty bitch. Wise hunny. And the winner of The Honey Hive. Alfie, you are The Queen Bee!”

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