Marry The Night: B+ I’m walking down the aisle to this song in drag. I’m a warrior queen. Oh shit. 40 seconds in and she’s breaking it down. Muh-Muh-Muh-Marry the night! Overall, I think it’s a perfectly fine way to open the album but I’m hoping for something more.

Born This Way: B- I think I’ve heard this song before. Haha. “Putting paws up” drives me fucking bonkers. Seriously, Gaga? Enough with the monster claw. Clever marketer, baby girl. But I do like the story she’s telling about the lessons our mommas teach us about loving who you are. So for life lessons, this song gets a higher score than it should.

Government Hooker: B+ Oh god. Operatic Gaga? Is this real life? Is this really happening? Haha. Ooh I do love that weird beat and oh fun. I like it more. I can be good if you just want to be bad? Sure. OH SHIT. Love the man speaking while she sings. “That girl better turn around.” I think she’s not killing it vocally like she could but I love the way it sounds. I especially like the way the government man is speak-singing.  Oooh. A JFK reference. Love it. Also, tears are salty. They make for poor drinking. I don’t really like how she sings Hooooooooker. But otherwise, I’m down.

Judas: B+ Another Gaga sung in the opening 10 seconds. Ugh. But this huhns likes the beat. I love the breakdown at about 3 minutes into the song. So sacrilege. Judas is the demon I cling to. Snapperellas!

Americano: A- The girl she met in East LA was Shalita Double-Double. No joke. Gaga wrote this song specifically for Shalita Double-Double. Lalalalalalalalalalala is meant to be sung by someone with a tongue like Shalita Double-Double. This is one of the best songs so far. But I have to hear the rest of the album still! Eee. Now I’m getting excited about the rest of the album. From here, what’s next?!?

Hair: A Good Lord: A saxophone opening. Love it. These lyrics are dumb but HOLY CRAP. She busts this song out!! I’m sorry another GREAT song. Although “I am my hair” is a mess. But I’ll dance my drunk ass off to this song any day.

Schiße: A Oh shit. Literally…doesn’t that mean shit in German. I love the opening line and the crazy scream thing. Another amazing song. I want this song to be featured during a horror movie’s vampire fight scene which takes place in a club in the Meatpacking District in New York. I don’t speak German either, girl, but you’re speaking my language.

Bloody Mary: A+What an interesting opening. How religious and holy. What is this girl trying to tell me? But the scary frog voice in the background scurrs me. Eee. Oh damn. These lyrics are awesome. This is a GREAT song.  What do you think she is trying to represent with the voice thing? That she’s fighting back the demons within and they are trying to come out? Super thought-provoking.  Can’t wait to see a video for this song! And this Gregorian chanting of Gaga is so much more meaningful and not just a marketing ploy like it seems in Judas and Government Hooker. But maybe she’s trying to show some sort of progression or internal development. Weird. I’m over-thinking this one. Next!

Black Jesus – Amen Fashion: C Who doesn’t love a black Jesus? Jesus is the new black? Hmm. Continue please. I don’t know about this song. It took a while to get started. And then she tells her history through song….but then pulls it back to Black Jesus on a runway? Huh. What am I missing here? I could take or leave this song.

Bad Kids: C+ Great beat. I love slapping punks too. Love the way she was able to sing about the parent’s divorce cuz she ruined their lives. Does this chorus seem slightly quieter and less dark and industrial than the other songs? Perhaps this song is signally a transition in the album but I can’t be sure yet. Need to keep listening. 

Fashion of His Love: A+ OH GOD. LOVE THIS SONG. WAIT? Is that Janet Jackson? Amy Grant? No! That’s Whitney Houston. I Wanna Dance With Somebody. I’m gonna be the one that he loves! I was made for loving him. The fashion of his love. I’m gonna be his first and last kiss! AWWW. This is a great song. I’m sold. THIS IS A SUREFIRE WINNER.

Highway Unicorn (Road to Love): B Follow that unicorn on the road to love? Haha. Oooh. Run run with her what exactly? Titties? Oh top down. Meh. I like this song. I love the chorus but I think it’s just kinda weak in the lyrics. Am I bad for not totally loving this song? Maybe it will grow on me.

Heavy Metal Lover: B+ Is that electronic voice saying “give me lots of love”? Dunno. But loving the beat. BLONDE SOUTH? WHISKEY MOUTH? Oh my goodness. Not so PG-13 is it? Haha. Dirty dirty Gaga. It’s a pretty chill good song. Nothing too crazy. I could see this playing as a party is winding down. That electronic voice is a little too much.

Electric Chapel: B+ Off the bat I’m hearing Bon Jovi. Am I bad? Oopsies. Wait! Now I’m hearing BLONDIE. Ooh that makes me like this way more. “Follow me, don’t be such a holy fool.” There should be a movie based around this song. Meet her at Electric Chapel. And throw in some vampires while playing Schiße scene.  It’s good. But seriously I can’t get Blondie out of my head now.

The Queen: A+ Love the bells. The Killer Queen inside me’s coming up to say hello. Yes. I love this song. Oh god. This is an empowering song. I am wind and hurricane. The Que-ee-ee-eeen. I am a woman! I insist it’s my life! Don’t forget me when I come crying to heaven’s door. Damn girl. This is a good good good song. YEEES!!

You and I: B- Hella country? Really. I wasn’t prepared for that. But I kinda like it. Taste like whiskey. Did she play this song when I saw her in concert? I feel like this harkens back to a previous song or something. Hmm. The chorus is way country. It’s cute enough but it’s not my favorite song. We will, we will rock you! (You’re right, Nick. Totally Queen!)

The Edge of Glory: A Love the heartbeat opening and the synthesizer. Pretty sure this song was the theme song for Beverly Hills Cop or Miami Vice. I love this song. Saxophone solo and all. Hanging on a moment with you! Great song to end with. Yay!

We all know that Lil’ Kim is the Queen B. Which Lil’ Kim song best represents the type of queen you are and why?

Thanks bitch for the question.   For me, the one song by Lil Kim that has represented the type of queen I am is “Suck My Dick“.  Unfortunately I could not find a good youtube clip of it, so I am just going to post the lyrics of the song.  My Favorite parts are in bold.

Uh, uh, uh
Uh, uh, uh

To all my motherfuckin’ gettin’ money hoes
Used to sellin’ clothes
And all my ghetto bitches in the projects
Coming through like bulldozers
No, we ain’t sober
Bum bitches know better than to start shit
Niggas love a hard bitch
One that get up in a nigga’s ass quicker than an enema
Make a cat bleed then sprinkle it with vinegar
Kidnap the senator
Make him call his wife and say he never coming home
Kim got him in a zone beating they dicks
Even got some of these straight chicks rubbing their tits
[laughs]
What? I’m loving this shit
Queen Bitch!
What bitch you know can thug it like this?
Imagine if I was dude and hittin’ cats from the back
With no strings attached
Yeah nigga, picture that!

I treat y’all niggas like y’all treat us
No Doubt! Ay yo, yo
Come here so I can bust in ya mouth

[1 - Lil' Kim (Mr. Bristal)]
(Ay yo, come on here bitch)
Nigga FUCK YOU
(No, FUCK YOU BITCH)
Who you talking to?
(Why you actin’ like a BITCH?)
Cause y’all niggas ain’t shit
And if I was dude
I’d tell y’all to suck my dick

[Repeat 1]

No, no, no, no
All I wanna do is get my pussy sucked (Nigga!)
Count a million bucks in the back of an armor truck
While I get you fucked up off the T.O.N.Y.
The BX, the chron-chron
And the list goes on and on
(On and on and on)
Like Erykah Badu
Once he drink the Remi down
Ooh I got this nigga now
He asked me did I love him
I said what came to mind like niggas be doing
Yeah baby, I love you long time
Look I ain’t tryin’ to suck ya
I might not even fuck ya
Just lay me on this bed and give me some head
Got the camcord layin’ in the drawer where he can’t see
Can’t wait to show my girls he sucked the piss out my pussy
Been doin’ this for years, no need to practice
Take lessons from the Queen and you’ll know how to mack this
Niggas know he gave me all his cake
I peeled the Benji’s off and threw the singles back in his face

[Repeat 1 (2x)]

I’m gonna keep it real
For the dough I might kill
I’m try-na see my face on a hundred dollar bill
Met this dude name Jaleel at this Abdulla fight
He said he’d pay me ten grand just to belly dance
Cum all on his pants
I met him at the studio
He showed up with his homeboy named Julio
I said ‘Whoa! Who’s the other guy?’
Hope you know you paying extra for this fuckin’ third eye
Something about him, I knew he was a phony
Put the burner in his mouth
‘Fool, Give me my money!’
He was just a nigga frontin’ like he knew mad stars
In his homeboy’s whips like he got mad cars
Niggas ain’t shit but they still can trick
All they can do for me is suck my clit
I’m jumpin’ the fuck up until I cum
Thinkin’ they gon’ get some pussy but they gets none

[Repeat 1 fade out]

_________________________________

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