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Posts tagged phoenix
Nick’s Greatest Moments: The Rude Bitch Incident
Nov 21st
Back when I lived in Phoenix Arizona, I had worked at a Trader Joe’s. They typically put me in the express lane because I was super fast at checking people out. I’m totally awesome that way! Like most Trader Joe’s around the country this one was impossibly busy right after most people got off work (around 6pm).
This one day I remember I was at the express lane, and all the lines (including mine) where really long. This woman walks right up to the register I was at and puts down here hand cart, and says…
- Rude Bitch: Hi, I’m in a hurry, so I need to check out right away.
- Me: Well you should have thought about that before shopping at this time of night.
I pick up her hand cart and give it back to her with a smile.
- Rude Bitch: *gasp*… To hell with you!
She said as she set down her hand cart on the floor.
- Me: Have a nice day! *smile*
She stormed out of the store and the couple people who were next in line clapped and laughed.
I don’t know who this bitch thought she was but there is no one who is going to skip in front of my line. You better plan better next time…. Okay!
And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.
Poor Jimmy
Jul 25th
So my friend Jimmy from Phoenix just sent me this text:
“That’s my foot…and apparently the remnants of my nail-girl’s recent pregnancy. Really Kim???! Cover it up!!”
See the photo attached to this text.
Thanks Jimmy. 
Nick’s Greatest Moments: The Bicycle Incident
Mar 5th
In 2002 I lived in Phoenix with my friend Jimmy, and I worked at Trader Joe’s about 4 miles from our home. I’ve never owned a car, so I would ride my bike to and from work. This specific Trader Joe’s was located in the parking lot of a large mall which I had to ride thru to get home.
One day I was leaving work around 10pm at night, and riding my bike thru the parking lot like I always do. As usual there were a lot of douche bags in cars that would honk at me, as if I was doing something wrong by riding my bike. I’m guessing these Phoenix types aren’t used to seeing people outside, seeing as it is so fucking hot there. As I was about to exit the mall parking lot this black BMW rolled up next me driving very slowly. Next thing I know I hear muffled gun shots… kind of like if someone had a silencer on their gun. I thought to myself, “holy shit… these bitches are trying to shoot me”. I started peddling faster, and they kept shooting. I heard one ricochet off my bike, and another flew by my ear. I decided I need to jump off this bike, and hide behind some bushes. Being in Arizona though, they don’t have any damn bushes, all they have is cactus!
Then it happened!
I got hit in the back near my right shoulder. I jumped off my bike, and fell into some rocks. The pain was unbelievable. I reached around to check my wound, and I could feel the blood all over my back. I pulled my hand back in front of me to see the blood, but it wasn’t red. It was pink! These assholes shot me with a paintball gun. I looked up at the car, and I could hear them all laughing. I instantly got pissed. Since I worked for Trader Joe’s I had a box cutter on me, so I pulled it out, exposed the razor blade, and ran for the BMW. Before I could reach it though, it screeched away down the street.
When I got home Jimmy had a good laugh over my experience, and so did the man-whore I caught him with. (That’s right… I said it).
And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.