Posts tagged party

For most of my 20th year in life I was in the closet still. I had told myself that there was no way I was still going to be in the closet when I turned 21, so all year long I was trying to find the right time. Months and months went by and I still had not found the right time, or I was just too nervous about it. Finally a day came when I had the perfect opportunity to come out.

My friend Ashley and I were at a co-worker’s party when suddenly she got really upset, and wanted to leave immediately. I asked her what was wrong, but she just got all bitchy and wouldn’t tell me. Since I had picked her up to come to the party, I was stuck taking her ass home.

On the car ride home she totally broke down and started crying. She was still refusing to tell me what was going on, as it was “personal” she claimed. I tried to make a joke about her being on the rag, but as you can imagine that did not go down well. She went on a rant about how there are things that you can’t talk to friends about because you are afraid of how they will react or what they will think of you. I told her that I understood that, and that I to had things I didn’t talk about with friends.

I parked in front of her house, and we kind of just sat in the car not really talking for a while. Finally I told her that I wanted to tell her stuff, but I was to chicken shit to say it. She said she felt the same way, but if I told her something she would tell me why she was crying. This immediately made me feel like she was playing that old trick where you say “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours” and then you do it, and they don’t. Hell no. But I thought about it a while, and decided that this is really the moment I was waiting for, and even if she didn’t tell me her secret at least I would finally get mine off my chest.

So I told her I was gay, and her reaction was…

• Ashley: Finally… We have all been waiting for you to come out.
• Me: Who is “we”
• Ashley: Everyone… all your friends and co-workers
• Me: Eww you talk about me behind my back?
• Ashley: And you don’t?
• Me: Oh…

Secretly that made me feel a lot better, and instantly I felt stupid for even being scared about coming out in the first place. Then she started to tell me her secret. She told me that someone at the party we were at mentioned this boy’s name, and that was the boy who used to live across the street from her. She told me that he molested her when she was young… I was shocked to hear such a thing. She went on to say that it wasn’t just once, and it wasn’t twice… it was constant over a couple years time. He would come over to her house to “play”, and he would eventually get her into bushes outside or the garage, and hold her down and molest her.

Um… Stunned!

First I thought… Oh hell no! She did not just trump my coming out story. I had already felt stupid that I waited this long to come out, but now she is gonna take my moment away by telling me something so awful.

Then I thought… Oh shit! How the fuck was I supposed to react to this? What the hell do you say? How can I get this bitch out of my car and away from this uncomfortable conversation?

Yes I am awful. I admit that.

But like the good friend I am, I stayed there for like the next 2 hours talking it out, and I think by the time we were done we both felt a lot better. It certainly made us better friends in the long run… Well until the Mental Hospital Incident.

And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.