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Posts tagged mess
Someone Was Drunk Last Night
Dec 11th
Late last night I got a call from Benutty. He was super drunk and wanted me to go to the Cinch with him. I could tell by the slurs, and his unusual kindness that he was in no condition to be out in public, so I declined his offer. Shortly after this call I received this series of text messages from him. I still have no idea what he was talking about, but as you can see I just kept egging him on to text more. Oh and some texts came with a photo ugh.
Benutty: Gsry will die over the text I just left gin
Me: What did it say?
Benutty: It as a vkivrma
Me: Oh Huhns smart. What are you doing?
Benutty: Grindr un drj nib so I want to dj d some one to budj
Me: Do it girl. Love it
Benutty: O yor to Wk out with bk
Me: Love BK. I want cheese.
Benutty: Euepach
Me: Drunk much?
Benutty: No, I’m getting lays & s cream
Me: Yummers
Truly a great drunk. I also love that his tweet this morning was “#toilethugger” haha Good job girl!
Speaking Of Messes…
Oct 9th
Look what I found on Jay this morning… He claims he doesn’t know where it’s from, but he thinks it might be from the booze fairies. You decide…
Nick v. Shalita Double-Double
Oct 8th
In order to prove what a goddamn mess she is, your Honor, I’d like to call the defendant, Shalita Double-Double, to the stand.
Rests,
Nick
Braveheart
Jul 12th
You know I have never liked Mel Gibson, but I have to say he has gotten very entertaining lately. These tapes of him losing his shit are insane! How has he never played a drunken mess before… he would be perfect. He could have played Precious’ mother better than Mo-Nique… seriously!
Go to this page and scroll down to the video which has the most awesome 7 minutes of audio ever. How can anyone not hate this idiot?
WTF is She Wearing
Jun 9th
What is this mess wearing? The hat, the blue and tan fringe leather purse.
Her look stopped me in my tracks at Sansome. I also vomited. Watch your step on Sansome today.
Month in Media: April
Apr 30th
Let’s take a look at the things in entertainment that the D@2 bloggers loved most in the month of April!
Gary Jr.
YouTube — Jesse Tyler Ferguson Does Gaga
First, you know I love Modern Family and the gay couple. Well, what could be better than 1/2 of that gay couple singing a lounge version of Alejandro. Plus, you know how much I love loungey cocktail music. Damn. I want JTF’s babies…especially because he is gay in real life and I must therefore believe that he is also a chubby chaser (since everything on TV is true).
iPhone App — LoseIt
Yes, I jumped on the bandwagon this month thanks to Heifer 1 and Heifer 2. I’ve been dieting since April 1. I had a little set back this week only losing .5 pounds but since April 1, I have lost 8.5 pounds and 10.5 from my heaviest (which was mid-March).
Movie ReRun – Shaun of the Dead
It’s just so funny. It’s been on Comedy Central this month. I love that for the whole morning commute during the opening scenes everyone is dead tired and zombie-like and then 20 minutes those same scenes happen again except everyone around him is a zombie. I love zombie movies like nobody’s business. I even have zombie exit strategies. I think about this shit while I’m playing Catan in the restroom.
Music– Shampain by Martina and the Diamonds
So I’ve been riding my exercise bike a lot. And I’ve been grooving out to my jams. But let me tell you that I pump a lot faster when this Martina and the Diamonds diddy comes on the shuffle. The clip calls it Shampain Sleeper but it’s just Shampain. Also about 2 weeks ago, I tweeted some lyrics from this song and Nick got mad at me for drinking champagne when I should be dieting. Bitch, I was singing and not cheating. I feel celestial! Yyyes.
Benutty
Music – Mary J. Blige‘s “Stairway to Heaven“
This shit is amazing. I wasn’t too big of a fan of it when it first came out, but after seeing her perform it on American Idol I jumped on board. Compared to all the other idiots who performed awful renditions of otherwise good songs (see: Rihanna, Alicia Keys, Ke$ha, Adam Lambert) on the show, MJB proved that she’s still in the business for a reason! — she knows how to sing and how to put on a good show. And, seriously, who else could pull off a LZ song like that?
Glee Quote – Santana in “The Power of Madonna”
“It’ll be great for my image, and Sue will promote me to head cheerleader. It’s win-win.” This bitch is so classic. Love her to death. Nick told me there’s a rumor the Cheerios might get their own spin-off, and if Santana and Brittany are a part of it then it’ll surely be gaymazing.
iPhone App – We Rule
Hello! It’s Farmville meets Sim City and it is wondrous. I got everyone hooked on it and I can’t freaking wait until I grow enough broccoli to purchase my Magic Emporium and a second Watch Tower! Ooh girl, gotta go collect taxes from my cottages. Huhhnns. I kind of want an iPad just so I can play this on a bigger screen.
D@2 Post – Guest Blog by FrankieRose
I was proud of lil sis for coming up with such a great D@2-inspired post. Before she submitted this for the Guest Blogger contest she sent me the picture via text and I almost died. This killed me. Love that Gary Jr. is a secret real estate agent in Sacramento. I bet he can spread his legs for the Real Estate King like A. Bening does in A. Beauty.
Nick
Music – Ultrasound
So I found this shizzz on iTunes a couple weeks, and it’s totally gay and I love it!! Check it out and dance.
iPhone App – Blokus
Yes Hunnnsss. Blokus has an iPhone app and it’s so goodies you’lll gag with orgasms. It’s 4.99 right now but I am sure the price will lower soon.
YouTube Clip – Bathtub Fun
It really doesn’t matter what’s going on in this video… the guy in it is fucking hot. So turn it on and take your dicks out.
D@2 Post: Sweetums Premiere
Um Gary Jr. is a damn mess and this is the proof. Love it like a cold sore.
Nick’s Greatest Moments: The Ketchup Incident
Mar 24th
My friend Vanessa and I decided one day to go to the Hard Rock Cafe for lunch. I ordered a cheeseburger and fries, and she ordered something that made her fat. Anyways I reached for the ketchup, and shook the bottle. There is nothing worse than pouring ketchup out of a bottle, and the only thing that comes out is that weird watery stuff. Gross! You have to mix that shit before you pour it. So here I am shaking away when suddenly the cap flies off, and before I know it ketchup splatters all over my face. I mean it was everywhere, covering one of my eyes, in my hair, in my ear… awful. Vanessa just gasped, and didn’t say a word. Probably because back then I had a very short temper and this was just the thing to set me off. Everything just kind of went silent until I started to hear laughs from the other diners. I asked Vanessa to give me some napkins, and started to clean my face off. Some random diners also walked over and gave me their napkins. Since I was in shock I really didn’t even think about losing my shit. I mean how can you really get pissed at anyone but yourself in this situation. Eventually I had to go to the bathroom and wash my hair in the sink using hand soap as shampoo. Unfortunately the counter tops in the bathroom were all wet, and when I bent down to wash my hair my shirt got soaked. I came out of the bathroom looking like a complete mess. I finished my cold cheeseburger and left.
I was going to go home and take a shower right away, but I decided to go to the mall with Vanessa and shop a little first. A couple hours later I headed home to finally take a shower when I ran into my neighbor Kisha:
- Kisha: Oh my god… what happened man?
- Me: What?
- Kisha: Dude… you’re bleeding.
- Me: What? Where?
- Kisha: Behind your ear.
I reached up to feel behind my ear, and there was a big glob of ketchup there. So embarrassing, I walked all over the mall with ketchup behind my ear.
So yea.. Remember to check the cap before shaking the bottle. Okay!
And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.
Gary Courtney
Mar 18th
St. Patrick’s Day was yesterday and that meant another day that Gary Jr. could dress up. This mess really went all out this time. He headed over to Variety Shop on Clement and 4th Avenue, and picked up his best Courtney Love outfit. He was seen walking down Geary Blvd like this:
The Inner Richmond will never be the same again.