Posts tagged Liza Minnelli

Q: In a catfight, who do you think would win, and why?  Barbra Streisand, Liza Minnelli, or Bette Midler?

Thanks KiKi for the question.

I’ve always felt that Bette was a no-holds barred kind of bitch. I think back to The Rose and Beaches. And I think yeah. She’d knock a bitch out.

But that was in the 70s and 80s. Nick is right. Bette’s lost her edge. She’s plumped up in the mid-section and taken on a more matronly role in her later years. Shoot! Doesn’t she have a show on the Vegas Strip now? That’s not catfight material, unless you’re Cher (sorry Celine). Bette was clearly offended by Kathy Griffin in that episode of the D-List. And for me, that’s enough to prove she’s not going to win in a catfight against these Divas. Don’t let that façade fool you. Bette’s milder.

As for Babs, umm. Well, clearly she lost the catfight she had with her hair and makeup crew so how will she really win in a catfight against The Divas.

So that leaves us with Our Lady Liza. Liza is a shithouse rat. With the soup of barbiturates, Quaaludes and gin running through that poor woman’s constitution, she feels no pain. Babs could break Liza’s hip and Liza wouldn’t even waffle while ripping through the red locks from Bette’s head. In fact, the fumes that emanate from her oversized pores are strong enough to cause paralysis in The Divas. Many fans have reported a strong stupor upon meeting Our Lady Liza. This shields Our Lady Liza from any surprise attacks. Besides look at her.

Clearly, she feeds off the souls of others. Our Lady Liza is a dementor. No mere mortal Diva can defeat Liza’s Kiss. And you will respect her.

Toodles,
Gary Jr.

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