Next stop… Whores!
Posts tagged Latino
Nick’s Greatest Moments: The Lyons Incident
Mar 3rd
If you were drunk, and in midtown Sacramento in 2004 you probably ended up at Lyons Restaurant after 2am to sober up. Lyons was pretty popular with gay crowds then, but had recently seen an influx of straight people after a shooting at Denny’s down the street.
So here we are waiting at Lyons for a table at around 2:30 in the morning, and I was into some deep conversation with my friends. We had been discussing a recent article I read about average penis sizes per country, and that the article claimed that people in China on average had the smallest penises. Unfortunately standing right in front of us was this big group of Chinese mafia types, and they were not happy to hear that.
- Chinese Girl: Are you talking shit about Chinese people?
- Me: Um Yea… private conversation here.
- Chinese Girl: You better not be talking shit about Chinese people because we’ll fuck you up.
- Me: We were talking about how Chinese guys have small dicks… (in a lower voice) and apparently they’re stupid bitches too.
With that we obviously argued for quite some time until we finally got a table. I was looking at the menu when the next thing I know I got punched in the face. I look up, and there is this little Chinese guy standing across the table from me.
- Chinese Guy: Why you call my girl a bitch?
- Me: Because she’s a bitch like you!
He lunged at me again, but a couple of friends of mine got up and stopped him from getting any closer. Then the Chinese girl came up beside me, and punched me in the face. Well lets be real for a second… she did her best to punch me in the face. It was more like a mosquito bite. At this point all the employees at Lyons got involved, and the Chinese mafia ran out of the place. The manager at Lyons called the cops, and when they arrived they asked me all sorts of questions. Finally they told me that they had picked up the mafia, and had them sitting outside. They wanted me to identify them, so that I could press charges. I went outside with the officer, and walked over where the mafia was sitting. I looked at them, and started to laugh.
- Me: Um… wrong minority. They were Asian, not Latino. Nice try though.
And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.
Papa-papa-razzi
Jan 25th
Spotted! Benutty’s latin lover giving a different troll free food at the Baja… Will this be the end of the Mexi-Troll romance? Stay tuned.
Benutty's Latin Lover. Ay Papi.
You were right Gary Jr. (Sorry Benutty)
Jan 22nd
Here is part of an IM conversation Gary Jr. and I had earlier today:
Nick: i’m trying to figure out what to post on the blog.. lol..
Gary: you heifer, you’ll come up with something
Gary: i have faith, just dont worry about it.
Gary: it’ll come when you are not thinking about it
A couple minutes later I went to lunch with Benutty. We ate at Baja Fresh because he wanted to see his crush who works there. Benutty is really into this guy, if you are in the San Francisco downtown area, go to Baja Fresh on Fremont between Market and Mission to see him. He is like the manager there, latino-ish with redish looking hair. Seriously like Benutty always has to make sure he gets to order from him. It’s sick really.
So we got our food and sat down. I was showing the Troll this new app I got on my phone that allows me to record video (I have the iPhone 3G.. doesn’t quite do video yet without assistance). Benutty took out his phone as well to check the time or something… who knows. Just as he was about to put his phone in his pocket (which is not easy when your thighs are that big) his latino lovers voice comes over the intercom “number 15, your food is ready”… Benutty got so flustered he dropped his phone on the floor, and looked what happened:
Poor Benutty… His phone now looks like the cellulite on his thighs.
Thanks for giving me something to blog about.?