Posts tagged jelly

Has anyone ever said something that was so disturbing it scarred you for life? Well it happened to me 12 years ago or so. Vanessa and I were visiting our friend Elizabeth and her boyfriend Dave. Elizabeth is a very animated open person who loves animals more than any human in the world. She was raised by two lesbians who had the talent of knowing the one thing you were most self-conscience about, and then asking you about it in front of everyone. Dave is this older guy who has been struggling with diabetes for a long time. He has blurry vision and has even lost a toe due to an infection. It was pretty disturbing… well no… what was disturbing was the picture of his toe after it was removed that they had placed on their fridge. Anyways I never understood why they were dating but whatever.

So we were all sitting around watching like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or something, and all of a sudden Elizabeth squeals, jiggles around, and starts to laugh.

• Me: What was that about?
• Elizabeth: Do you really want to know?
• Dave: No, we don’t want to know
• Me: What??  Haha really… what was that about?
• Elizabeth: Wellllllll… I felt a blood clot pass.
• Me: What the fuck does that mean?
• Elizabeth: When it’s that time of month… sometimes you can feel a blood clot come out of your muff.
• Me: You’re kidding?
• Elizabeth: No… it’s like a thick lump of jelly that kind of drops out.
• Me: Ewwwwahhh!!! Gross!

You know even writing this right now is making me sick to my stomach. I have never been so thrilled to be gay in my entire life. I don’t know how you straights and lesbians can deal with such a horrific thing. I know I know… it doesn’t happen to everyone, but… barf!

And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.