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Posts tagged holy water
Baptism and Godparents.
Apr 1st
Yesterday, a friend of mine invited me to her new cousins baptism. I have my thoughts about baptism and religion and so do you, but lets put them aside, and jettison to the real purpose of this post. I inquired about what exactly is a baptism? What happens at a Baptism? I’ve only been to two in my life, my twin brothers and my own. Needless to say, I don’t remember them. Anyway, my friend filled in the blanks for me and also mentioned that her mother had been named the child’s God Mother. I got to thinking…
Years from now, if I have a child my wife may want to have a baptism. BUT… I have some great ideas. My thought is… Make it a party and invite all of our friends. And… who gets to do the honors of dunking my first born child in holy water? Which ever of my friends has the best arm. Why not set up one these. We’ll just get the priest, or bishop, or whoever does the baptism to bless the water before hand. My babies mama (in a white tee-shirt of course) will sit with the baby on the chair and there we go. Every guest has to take a shot, or chug a beer, spin around three times and then you get two pitches. If you’re aim is good, you baptize my child and get a peek at the mothers nips.
Serious stuff now. I also thought a lot about this Godmother business. I asked my friend about it and she informed me that it is supposed to be someone who is practicing the faith. None of my friends for sure. But that’s when I got my next good idea. My child will have a Godmother, sure sure, somebody to help pay for college and teach him/her life lessons. But what about street smarts? Singing lessons? How to open a champagne bottle? Those lessons will come from my child’s Fairy God Mothers. Like sleeping beauty he/she will have three:
Gary Jr, Benutty, and Nick.
Lastly, while I am assigning extraneous positions to my children. I shall also position Jay as my child’s God Steward. If my child has a problem with our parenting, feels that chores are too heavy or allowance is too low for said chores, grievances will be filed through Jay.
Nick’s Greatest Moments: The Church Incident
Feb 17th
I know less about religion than any other person you have probably ever met. For real though… you see before they had kids my parents had decided that they would not raise us with any specific religion because they were raised with different faiths. Plus they weren’t very religious to begin with. That being said, by the time I was 10 I had only ever been inside of a church once when my mom lit a candle for my grandfather who had just passed away. And yea… I don’t really get the whole lighting a candle thing either.
So one day I was riding my bike with my friend David, and we decided to ride all the way to the mall which was about 5 miles from my house. The mall was never really busy, so it was fun to ride around in the parking garage because you can pick up some speed going from floor to floor. As I was zooming along quickly a car began to back up, so to avoid hitting it I veered quickly away. I ended up losing control and falling off my bike landing right on my hands. My hands were full of dirt, rocks, and a little blood, plus they hurt a lot. I really wanted to wash my hands, and my friend David pointed out that there was a church right next to the parking garage and that they would probably have a bathroom I could use. (Don’t ask me why we didn’t just go into the mall. I have no idea)
We rode our bikes over to St. Mary’s Catholic Church which was the same church that I had been in before with my mom. I told David to watch my bike as I went in to find a bathroom. I walked into the church, and looked around. I saw the candles, the cross, all the seats, doors to what I now know are for confessionals, but I could not find a restroom. Surely people have to pee while they are attending services. “Hello” I said hoping that some nun or priest would come out of some secret door to help me, but nobody ever came. Lost, I decided to head back outside to go look for another place to wash my hands. As I was leaving though, I saw this little dish of water with a sponge in it. I figured that the church was like my mom, and didn’t want people coming in with dirty hands or something. I checked it out, and the sponge looked like it had gotten dirty before. I thought to myself “fuck it”, and picked up the sponge and started cleaning my hands with it. I dipped the sponge back in a couple times to clean it off and get more water on it. Before I knew it my hands were clean and I was ready to go.
When I met back up with my friend David I told him that the church didn’t have a damn bathroom, but that I found a wet sponge to clean my hands off with. He stared at me in shock and said “the holy water?”
So yea… I used holy water to clean my hands. Let’s be real though… that shit came out of the tap, so was it really that big of a deal?
And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.