Dead at 2am » gary’s purple rose

Question of the Week 03/27 – 04/02

Nick — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 23:30:37 +0000

This week’s question was asked by AuntF of Benicia, CA:

Ok, so tell me, how does a middle-aged (yet, somewhat cool) straight couple attend a Lady GaGa concert and fit in? I don’t think we are part of her “Little Monsters”, but we do love her! We really want to go, but don’t want to feel old and ordinary.

Let me break it down:

I have met both of you and you two are anything but old and/or ordinary
Lady Gaga loves all her fans equally no matter what the age (except for Gary Jr.)
I’ve seen you drink girl… so pick up some beers at the concession stand and go wild (or bring some Patron… hunnns)
Most of all… Who gives a fuck what anyone thinks… You go to that concert and have a great fucking time.

Thanks for the question btw.

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Nick’s Greatest Moments: The Ketchup Incident

Nick — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 20:05:03 +0000

My friend Vanessa and I decided one day to go to the Hard Rock Cafe for lunch. I ordered a cheeseburger and fries, and she ordered something that made her fat. Anyways I reached for the ketchup, and shook the bottle. There is nothing worse than pouring ketchup out of a bottle, and the only thing that comes out is that weird watery stuff. Gross! You have to mix that shit before you pour it. So here I am shaking away when suddenly the cap flies off, and before I know it ketchup splatters all over my face. I mean it was everywhere, covering one of my eyes, in my hair, in my ear… awful. Vanessa just gasped, and didn’t say a word. Probably because back then I had a very short temper and this was just the thing to set me off. Everything just kind of went silent until I started to hear laughs from the other diners. I asked Vanessa to give me some napkins, and started to clean my face off. Some random diners also walked over and gave me their napkins. Since I was in shock I really didn’t even think about losing my shit. I mean how can you really get pissed at anyone but yourself in this situation. Eventually I had to go to the bathroom and wash my hair in the sink using hand soap as shampoo. Unfortunately the counter tops in the bathroom were all wet, and when I bent down to wash my hair my shirt got soaked. I came out of the bathroom looking like a complete mess. I finished my cold cheeseburger and left.

I was going to go home and take a shower right away, but I decided to go to the mall with Vanessa and shop a little first. A couple hours later I headed home to finally take a shower when I ran into my neighbor Kisha:

Kisha: Oh my god… what happened man?
Me: What?
Kisha: Dude… you’re bleeding.
Me: What? Where?
Kisha: Behind your ear.

I reached up to feel behind my ear, and there was a big glob of ketchup there. So embarrassing, I walked all over the mall with ketchup behind my ear.

So yea.. Remember to check the cap before shaking the bottle. Okay!

And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.

Question of the Week (03/13 – 03/19)

Nick — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:20:15 +0000

This week’s question was asked by FrankieRose of Sacramento, CA:

We all know that Lil’ Kim is the Queen B. Which Lil’ Kim song best represents the type of queen you are and why?

Thanks bitch for the question. For me, the one song by Lil Kim that has represented the type of queen I am is “Suck My Dick“. Unfortunately I could not find a good youtube clip of it, so I am just going to post the lyrics of the song. My Favorite parts are in bold.

Uh, uh, uh
Uh, uh, uh

To all my motherfuckin’ gettin’ money hoes
Used to sellin’ clothes
And all my ghetto bitches in the projects
Coming through like bulldozers
No, we ain’t sober
Bum bitches know better than to start shit
Niggas love a hard bitch
One that get up in a nigga’s ass quicker than an enema
Make a cat bleed then sprinkle it with vinegar
Kidnap the senator
Make him call his wife and say he never coming home
Kim got him in a zone beating they dicks
Even got some of these straight chicks rubbing their tits
[laughs]
What? I’m loving this shit
Queen Bitch!
What bitch you know can thug it like this?
Imagine if I was dude and hittin’ cats from the back
With no strings attached
Yeah nigga, picture that!

I treat y’all niggas like y’all treat us
No Doubt! Ay yo, yo
Come here so I can bust in ya mouth

[1 - Lil' Kim (Mr. Bristal)]
(Ay yo, come on here bitch)
Nigga FUCK YOU
(No, FUCK YOU BITCH)
Who you talking to?
(Why you actin’ like a BITCH?)
Cause y’all niggas ain’t shit
And if I was dude
I’d tell y’all to suck my dick

[Repeat 1]

No, no, no, no
All I wanna do is get my pussy sucked (Nigga!)
Count a million bucks in the back of an armor truck
While I get you fucked up off the T.O.N.Y.
The BX, the chron-chron
And the list goes on and on
(On and on and on)
Like Erykah Badu
Once he drink the Remi down
Ooh I got this nigga now
He asked me did I love him
I said what came to mind like niggas be doing
Yeah baby, I love you long time
Look I ain’t tryin’ to suck ya
I might not even fuck ya
Just lay me on this bed and give me some head
Got the camcord layin’ in the drawer where he can’t see
Can’t wait to show my girls he sucked the piss out my pussy
Been doin’ this for years, no need to practice
Take lessons from the Queen and you’ll know how to mack this
Niggas know he gave me all his cake
I peeled the Benji’s off and threw the singles back in his face

[Repeat 1 (2x)]

I’m gonna keep it real
For the dough I might kill
I’m try-na see my face on a hundred dollar bill
Met this dude name Jaleel at this Abdulla fight
He said he’d pay me ten grand just to belly dance
Cum all on his pants
I met him at the studio
He showed up with his homeboy named Julio
I said ‘Whoa! Who’s the other guy?’
Hope you know you paying extra for this fuckin’ third eye
Something about him, I knew he was a phony
Put the burner in his mouth
‘Fool, Give me my money!’
He was just a nigga frontin’ like he knew mad stars
In his homeboy’s whips like he got mad cars
Niggas ain’t shit but they still can trick
All they can do for me is suck my clit
I’m jumpin’ the fuck up until I cum
Thinkin’ they gon’ get some pussy but they gets none

[Repeat 1 fade out]

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Question of the Week (03/06 – 03/12)

Nick — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 00:05:55 +0000

This week’s question was asked by Roman from Fresno, CA:

Q: Answer the following questions using no more than one sentence?

What person/s do you most credit with shaping who you are?
–Mostly the co-workers I had at Dimple Records.

If you were stranded on a desert island, what three people would you most want with you?
–Jay for logistical reasons, Alfie for strength, and Gary Jr. for humor and a source of food if we run out.

Who was the last person you know that you fantasized about having sex with?
–I probably my neighbor

Did you masturbate to this fantasy?
–No.. well not yet. haha

How long should foreplay last?
–Depends… anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes..

How long should intercourse last?
–Meh.. I say get it over with as fast as possible..

Have you ever licked food off of another person’s nipples or genitals?
–I don’t think I have.

Estimate: What is the most orgasms you’ve had in a single 24 hour period?
–Maybe 5 I think.

Have you ever engaged in a sexual activity while sitting on the toilet?
–No.. nothing like that should ever involve a toilet.

Have you ever done illegal drugs off the nipples or genitals of someone else?
–I don’t do those things..

What is the shortest period of time that you’ve had sex with someone after meeting them for the first time?
–10 or 15 minutes

Have you ever videotaped yourself having sex?
–Yes.. and when I watched it back it was like a horror movie.

Could you really just have sex with one person for the rest of your life?
–To be honest… probably not. oops.

What would your mom say if she could see how you answered these questions you sick fuck?
–She would be disappointed and wonder what she did wrong when raising me.

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