[email thread Thursday morning re: lunch date on Wednesday]
Benutty: I really enjoyed our lunch together yesterday. I think we made a breakthrough in our friendship. Love, Benutty
Gary Jr.: Stop flirting. I’m not putting out. xoxo
Benutty: The breakthrough was that I realized I’m no longer in love with you.
Gary Jr.: I’m about to breakthrough your face

[email thread Friday morning]
Gary Jr.: ready for another breakthrough? oh snap.
Benutty: naturally

[text thread beginning 12:33 pm Friday afternoon]
Benutty: Are we doing lunch?
Gary Jr.: Niet. I don’t think I have time. Are you going with Nick?
Benutty: No he stayed home sick. He and I got wasted last night on manroulette
Gary Jr.: Hahahaha. You whores.
Benutty: I have pictures of his dick. We talked to these fags from Michigan for SO long.
Gary Jr.: I might leave early. When would you want lunch?
Benutty: I thought you just said you can’t have lunch. I’m not even hungry I had a bagel.
Gary Jr.: If I leave early, I will. Haha.
Benutty: You’re stupid.
Gary Jr.: Fatty.
Benutty: No one has any clue what you’re even talking about.
Gary Jr.: No one.

[text thread beginning 1:17 pm Friday afternoon]
Gary Jr.: Ready for lunch?
Benutty: No fool I just took a 15 and got soup!!!
Gary Jr.: Dag

I think he meant “Breakfast Dagwood Sandwich” from Denny’s, but I don’t eat those anymore ever since I went on a diet with Nick this Spring. Also: I’m not sure at what point in the conversation Gary Jr. wasn’t clear on the fact that we weren’t getting lunch together for numerous reasons. Such a DeVere.

also: fart war second battle just took place