But I mean, only during a Benutty Christmas do you get attacked and then flipped off for simply trying to preserve in video the wonderful memories of the season.

What I find interesting is how alike the troll family is. Just recently Benutty was trying to convince me that he was more like an elephant than a troll…. mmhmm… more like an elephant-troll hybrid… but then the other Benutty, FrankieRose, just happens to send me a holiday card with an elephant on it… curious isn’t it?

Cute card though… loves it!

Watch out, auntie-moms.

And don’t think I won’t push a bitch down & outta my way when I’m mad!!

Coz I will.

So Auntie Frawn is always buzzing my phone….asking for a new load of stone blocks, 10 conjurations or 8 thoroughbred horses. I’m like damn girl. I know you love me but please. We Rule is for everyone, stop flirtin’ gurrrl.

FrankieRose is constantly playing dirty sexual words on Scrabble like phallus, rusty trombone and buttfucker. Mmhmm, I know you want my sexy ladyesque body.

And then last night I get a personal email from Chongo. He wanted to know: “is an ass a nice ass regardless if it’s male or female?” I’m sorry but if that is not a veiled attempt to get into my pants, I don’t know what is. Stop trying to make me have sex with you, Chongo. Everyone knows I have a lady ass. Stop trying to finger it. But yes, Chongo, keep those eyes close. A mouth is a mouth is a mouth when your eyes are closed.

Gary Jr.

YouTube  — Jesse Tyler Ferguson Does Gaga
First, you know I love Modern Family and the gay couple. Well, what could be better than 1/2 of that gay couple singing a lounge version of Alejandro. Plus, you know how much I love loungey cocktail music. Damn. I want JTF’s babies…especially because he is gay in real life and I must therefore believe that he is also a chubby chaser (since everything on TV is true).

iPhone App — LoseIt
Yes, I jumped on the bandwagon this month thanks to Heifer 1 and Heifer 2. I’ve been dieting since April 1. I had a little set back this week only losing .5 pounds but since April 1, I have lost 8.5 pounds and 10.5 from my heaviest (which was mid-March).

Movie ReRun – Shaun of the Dead
It’s just so funny. It’s been on Comedy Central this month. I love that for the whole morning commute during the opening scenes everyone is dead tired and zombie-like and then 20 minutes those same scenes happen again except everyone around him is a zombie. I love zombie movies like nobody’s business. I even have zombie exit strategies. I think about this shit while I’m playing Catan in the restroom.

Music– Shampain by Martina and the Diamonds
So I’ve been riding my exercise bike a lot. And I’ve been grooving out to my jams. But let me tell you that I pump a lot faster when this Martina and the Diamonds diddy comes on the shuffle. The clip calls it Shampain Sleeper but it’s just Shampain. Also about 2 weeks ago, I tweeted some lyrics from this song and Nick got mad at me for drinking champagne when I should be dieting. Bitch, I was singing and not cheating. I feel celestial! Yyyes.

Benutty

Music – Mary J. Blige‘s “Stairway to Heaven“
This shit is amazing. I wasn’t too big of a fan of it when it first came out, but after seeing her perform it on American Idol I jumped on board. Compared to all the other idiots who performed awful renditions of otherwise good songs (see: Rihanna, Alicia Keys, Ke$ha, Adam Lambert) on the show, MJB proved that she’s still in the business for a reason! — she knows how to sing and how to put on a good show. And, seriously, who else could pull off a LZ song like that?

Glee Quote – Santana in “The Power of Madonna”
“It’ll be great for my image, and Sue will promote me to head cheerleader. It’s win-win.” This bitch is so classic. Love her to death. Nick told me there’s a rumor the Cheerios might get their own spin-off, and if Santana and Brittany are a part of it then it’ll surely be gaymazing.

iPhone App – We Rule
Hello! It’s Farmville meets Sim City and it is wondrous. I got everyone hooked on it and I can’t freaking wait until I grow enough broccoli to purchase my Magic Emporium and a second Watch Tower! Ooh girl, gotta go collect taxes from my cottages. Huhhnns. I kind of want an iPad just so I can play this on a bigger screen.

D@2 Post – Guest Blog by FrankieRose
I was proud of lil sis for coming up with such a great D@2-inspired post. Before she submitted this for the Guest Blogger contest she sent me the picture via text and I almost died. This killed me. Love that Gary Jr. is a secret real estate agent in Sacramento. I bet he can spread his legs for the Real Estate King like A. Bening does in A. Beauty.

Nick

Music – Ultrasound

So I found this shizzz on iTunes a couple weeks, and it’s totally gay and I love it!!  Check it out and dance.

iPhone App – Blokus

Yes Hunnnsss. Blokus has an iPhone app and it’s so goodies you’lll gag with orgasms.  It’s 4.99 right now but I am sure the price will lower soon.

YouTube Clip – Bathtub Fun

It really doesn’t matter what’s going on in this video… the guy in it is fucking hot.  So turn it on and take your dicks out.

D@2 Post: Sweetums Premiere

Um Gary Jr. is a damn mess and this is the proof.  Love it like a cold sore.

I tried to get Aunt Frawn’s attention but she was too busy paying attention to the road like a good driver and honestly FrankieRose’s chest hair blocked my view. Chongo was in the back seat making obscene gestures.

Apparently, they were going to pick Benutty up from his Literature and Electrolysis seminar that he teaches at the local community college.

Anyhoo, luckily I was able to snap a picture.

Look Carefully at the License Plate

For evidence, look no further than the much anticipated “Telephone” video. It’s a motherfucking masterpiece. This is how you make a fucking classy music video:

And this how not to be classy:

Oops. Sorry, FrankieRose and I musta had a little too much champerelles.

Someone at the Roadside BBQ broke into Nick’s family home and stole the treasured Nick Family Portrait! I mean that shit is THREE GENERATIONS! They’ve been looking for it for ages.

Well look no further, piggies. Hunnies found it.

The Nick Family Portrait

Miss Cunt’s Class

from left to right
top: Nick (eating a carnitas taco), Jay (during/after work), Alfie (all the time), Gary Jr. (asleep)
middle: Misha (winking), Shawnito (at work), 3rin (drunk), Benutty (confused)
bottom: FrankieRose (Benutty’s straight sister), Momma Benutty, Poppa Benutty, Rayho (Benutty’s lez sister)

Photo: HRH Hannah

A: Benutty still wears a brooch & drinks le champerelles.

UPDATE: Aunt F. saved the day — she dug up another bottle of champes for the huhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnies.
Drinks. Champes. Football. Jealous. FrankieRose. Hungry. Mami. Huh? Dead. Rooster. Oops. Nick?

You know that bitch is gonna sing showtunes to Benutty and others. Listen to the end.

Lady Sings the Cabaret.

Toodles,
Gary Jr.