One night I had a friend spending the night, and we came up with the great idea to put mustard all over my neighbors’ cars. (Don’t judge me… I was like ten.)  So we sneak outside, and begin squeezing mustard all over cars.  We got the cars to the left of my house. We got the cars to the right of my house.  Then we got all the cars across the street from my house.  Then I had a thought.  It would be obvious that we did it, because we would be the only house mustard free.  Well I was not about to get in trouble for this, so I decided we should put mustard on my family’s cars as well.  Just to make sure I was in the clear, I also put mustard on our garage door. (I’m so smart huh.)  We were very proud of ourselves as we crept quietly back into my house, unfortunately that was the same exact time my dad decided to get up and drink some Maalox. (You see my Dad has chronic heartburn that I apparently inherited from him… Thanks Dad)

• Dad: What are you doing?
• Me: Nothing… um… we thought we heard something
• Dad: Well get back to bed

The next morning my mom woke us up, and she did not look happy.

• Mom: What did you do last night?
• Me: Nothing
• Mom: Would you mind explaining to me why our cars and garage door are full of mustard, and why you were out last night when you should have been sleeping?
• Me: Well last night we heard something, and… um…  we checked but we didn’t see anything
• Mom: Well our mustard is missing…
• Me: Maybe we finished it all
• Mom (shouting): You are going to clean up all that mess you made, and when you are done you are grounded…  no TV, no games, no toys, no nothing.  You will sit in your room and think about what you did… do you hear me?

Yes…  I got grounded a lot when I was young.

Oh btw… Mustard has some sort of acid in it, which eats paint if left on it long enough.   It didn’t damage the cars too bad… but it certainly discolored the paint. Oops.

And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.

I decided I wanted to go to Del Taco which was 10 miles away.  So I got in my car… drunk…. and went to Del Taco.  Lucky for me I made it there safe, and I didn’t kill anyone else in the process. (After school special anyone?)

I got my food and parked in a nearby Target parking lot, and then I apparently passed out.

I woke up in the morning to the sound of a parking lot sweeper, and the smell of old Del Taco burritos.   It seems I didn’t quite finish my food the night before, and during my sleep I rubbed the burrito all over myself.  It had looked like someone took a giant shit on me… a Del Taco smelling shit.  It was everywhere… my shirt, my pants, my arms, my hands, my face, the seat belt…   It was a disaster.

And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.

Rests,

Benutty