This week’s question was asked by Hugh Gadick of Den Haag, Netherlands:

Write a 50 word personals ad for each member of the Haus of Honies to appear in your local newspaper.

Gary Jr.:

Stinky stinky stinky…hefty hefty hefty!  Big hefty man here with no stinky hole.  Looking for farm boys to milk my utters.   I moo with excitement at skinny curly haired boys with little to no body hair.   Do you like metal detectors?… Just think of the wonders you could find cleaning out my belly flap.

Benutty:

“Only you can prevent forest fires”  Maybe you have heard that before. That’s me during my day job.  If you like flabby bears who store food in their nappy beards then I’m the man for you.  I drool at any chance to ride a dark man who is more greasy than me… buyer beware… I grow dingleberries year round.

Jay:

What do I want?…Sex.  When do I want it?… Now!  I want sex 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and right when you decide to take a break because you can’t stand to do it any longer…. I’ll turn around and talk shit about you and how you don’t ever have sex with me.  Don’t worry though I’d never hire a scab to replace you… I’m pro union like that.

Alfie:

Hey man… I like girls (or do I?)… I like biking, yoga, and being sexually ambiguous to confuse everyone.  I’m looking for mousy looking people who like to do it dirty like me.  I kind of wish life was like a musical, and everyone around me would bust into song and dance on a whim like those kids on Glee.

Later this week I’ll give personals for Misha, Shawnito, and Kitty.

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Stay tuned for the other responses this week.

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