Did somebody say Jacqueline Susann? Well, I did.

Once upon a time, a little drag queen named Barbara Parkins from Palmdale left her humble digs and ventured north to the Big City, San Francisco. Soon, she settles in and makes some friends. Stopping at nothing, the little (big) drag queen works up the ranks and makes it big with her drag friend Sharon Tate (played by Nick and later murdered by the Manson family…sorry girl, it’s semi-biographical). Tate is a bewitching beauty who longs to be taken seriously. Also along the way, the little (big) drag queen meets Patty Duke (played by Benutty) who’ll stop at nothing to get her name on the bill. As their careers rise and fall, the starlets turn to the comforts of sex, drugs and romance–a sure combination for drama, disaster and dildos.

That’s right bitch. It’s VALLEY OF THE DOLLS! And I’ve rented it to play in the background while we get ready on Saturday for our Extravaganza Eleganza.