Mama Nicky likes to think that he’s at the center of the world when it comes to the social lives of Gary Jr. and me. And, for the most part, he’s right. Take, for example, the weekend in November that he, Jay and Alfie were moving — Gary Jr. had just severed his own finger trying to cut an IKEA knife out of the plastic and I was home alone, depressed, and newly single. We were pretty much bored out of our minds, but during that very hard time in our lives we were able to learn a lot about each other — and Gary Jr. even managed to provide me with some very good dating tips. I just wish he woulda kept the pictures to himself, thank you!

Nov. 20, 2009 10:30 PM

Gary Jr.
You dumb dwarf.

Benutty
I miss Nick

Gary Jr.
She’ll be all moved in soon enough. And you can start drinking again.

Benutty
I meant I miss u

Gary Jr.
Send me a picture of what you are doing right now! Do it

Lazy bitch on a couch

Benutty
This

And

This

Gary Jr.
I’m jelly! I’m just…

This

And

This

Benutty
You stupid bitch I hatelove you

Also did someone really just call u papi on facebook

Gary Jr.
Lol. Probably Maria she’s my Peruvian mami.

Benutty
Ew.

I forgot how to turn Facebook poking into fucking but I was hella good at it in college

Gary Jr.
Baby girl it’s just like riding a bicycle. But I haven’t ridden a bike since I was 9

Benutty
I haven’t had sex in a really long time

Gary Jr.
Jack off first before ANY date. First rule

Benutty
Obv

Gary Jr.
And hide the anal beads

In your ass

Benutty
Lol

Gary Jr.
It’ll keep you attentive during the date

Benutty
Omg. New black guy on seancody

Gary Jr.
Oooooooooh honnvietmynies

Stop trying to make fetch happen

Benutty
Suddenly I have plans tonight

Gary Jr.
Erm

Benutty
Ttyl

Gary Jr.
Good luck now!