Next stop… Whores!
Posts tagged Chongo
Guess What I’m Sick of
May 8th
I’m sick of the Benutty Troll family’s unwanted advances. Yes, I know I am so sexy and so outrageous and the Benutty Troll family has an unnatural attraction to the profane and disturbing… I know when I walk into a room, everything gravitates towards me. (Yes that’s a weight reference. ZING!) But come on.
So Auntie Frawn is always buzzing my phone….asking for a new load of stone blocks, 10 conjurations or 8 thoroughbred horses. I’m like damn girl. I know you love me but please. We Rule is for everyone, stop flirtin’ gurrrl.
FrankieRose is constantly playing dirty sexual words on Scrabble like phallus, rusty trombone and buttfucker. Mmhmm, I know you want my sexy ladyesque body.
And then last night I get a personal email from Chongo. He wanted to know: “is an ass a nice ass regardless if it’s male or female?” I’m sorry but if that is not a veiled attempt to get into my pants, I don’t know what is. Stop trying to make me have sex with you, Chongo. Everyone knows I have a lady ass. Stop trying to finger it. But yes, Chongo, keep those eyes close. A mouth is a mouth is a mouth when your eyes are closed.
The Benutty Family Volvo
Apr 14th
Whilst driving through Berkeley yesterday on my way to Berkeley Bowl to buy some veggies for this damned diet, I stopped behind a Volvo. I knew instantly it was the Benutty Family Volvo.
I tried to get Aunt Frawn’s attention but she was too busy paying attention to the road like a good driver and honestly FrankieRose’s chest hair blocked my view. Chongo was in the back seat making obscene gestures.
Apparently, they were going to pick Benutty up from his Literature and Electrolysis seminar that he teaches at the local community college.
Anyhoo, luckily I was able to snap a picture.
Look Carefully at the License Plate