Back in 7th grade I had a lot of problems with a lot of people. One of the more ridiculous moments was the Pencil Incident, but another one has stayed in my mind since as well.

It was lunch time, and I was hungry for some Chile Picante Corn Nuts because when I was in Jr. High it was all about the Corn Nuts. It was all about Sun Chips too because they had just come out then (Yes… That’s how old I am). I was waiting in line at the door of the student store. It was basically like this little closet that they converted into a store by cutting a window into the door. Ghetto! My friend Ruby walked over to me, and for no reason at all poured her can of soda over my head. Her and her little Filipino girl gang all started laughing thinking it was the funniest shit ever. After the initial shock of it all I got pretty pissed (to no surprise of anyone). I walked up to her and punched her in the face. Like a little bitch she started crying, and one of her friends ran off to get a teacher or something. Well I was not about to get in trouble on my lunch time, so I took off and headed for the back corner of the field behind our school where I found my friend Lee.

Lunch time was almost over when two of that Ruby’s friends found me.

  • Skank 1: She is going to tell the Vice Principle on you.
  • Skank 2: You really hurt her asshole… she was just playing.
  • Me: Fuck you, you stupid bitches.
  • Skank 1: What?!

Lee and I watched them as they tore a vine off the Ivy which was all along the fence. They plucked off all the leaves, ran over to me and started whipping me with it. It fucking hurt like hell!! I don’t know how those S&M leather people do it. I got down on my hands and knees and covered my face and they kept whipping me. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore…  As I got up, I back handed Skank 1 as hard as I could. She seriously flew up in the air and landed on her ass. I picked up the whip and whipped her in the back.

  • Me: You like how that feels you fucking bitch!

She screamed and ran off with the other skank. The bell rang, and I headed back to class furious. I sat down in my chair… soda covered hair and shirt… dirt all over my clothes… and a couple whip marks on my arms and neck. My teacher came over and asked me:

  • Teacher: Are you ok? What were you doing out there?
  • Me: Does it look like I want to be bothered today? No… So why don’t you teach your little class and leave me alone.

My teacher walked back up to the front of the class, filled out a form and walked back over to give it to me.

  • Teacher: Go to the Vice Principles office.

Well shit… All of that to avoid going there, and my stupid teacher sends me there anyway. Ugh.  Hate those fucking bitches!  After that day we basically didn’t talk to each other anymore, but I sure did talk a lot of shit about her.  Well actually… there was one incident in High School, but I’ll wait to tell that story another day.

And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.