My friend Vanessa and I were really good friends, and we did everything together. If you invited me somewhere you knew Vanessa would be in tow, and vice versa. She was my first official fag-hag (Alfie is my current one if you were wondering… that’s right, I said it). I remember one night it was raining, and we had made plans to go to Anna and Jeremy’s house. They had been a couple for 2 or 3 years at the time, and they were both very attractive. Seriously… I would have done Jeremy without a second thought (sorry Anna). Vanessa asked me not to drink to much that night, so that I could drive home since the weather was shitty. She was always worried about that kind of shit, and hello… I am like the best driver ever.

I ended up drinking a little more than I probably should have that night… well not a little, more like I drank a whole lot. As it got later Vanessa finally realized that I was still drinking, and that I was totally wasted. The next thing I know she slaps me across the face!

  • Vanessa: You fucker!
  • Nick: What the fuck is that for bitch?
  • Vanessa: You are supposed to drive tonight
  • Nick: I can still drive
  • Vanessa: No you CAN’T!

And she slapped me again.

  • Nick: Stop fucking hitting me you fucking cunt. I’ll sober up and we can go.
  • Vanessa: You’re such a fucking asshole!
  • Nick: (looking over at Anna and Jeremy) someone forgot to take their fucking Midol or something
  • Vanessa: I hate you!

And she slapped me a third time.

  • Nick: I dare you bitch… slap me one more fucking time… I fucking dare you, you fat ugly whore.

Vanessa looked at me with crazy on her face, and slapped me again. Without a pause I swing and slap her back as hard as I could. She yelled out, and started crying. Jeremy got up and took me into the kitchen, and Anna sat down with Vanessa to see if she was alright.

  • Anna: OMG she is bleeding
  • Jeremy and I: What!?
  • Anna: Blood is coming out of her ear.

Yea… So we finally did sober up that night, and I took her home. The next day she called me and told me her ear drum was ripped, and that she couldn’t really hear in that ear anymore. I have to admit I felt kind of bad, but hello you shouldn’t hit someone if you don’t want to get hit back. Turns out a couple months later her ear drum fixed itself, and she could hear again. Soon after we decided to move in together and if you know me, then you know how that turned out.

And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.