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Posts tagged balls
So What! Who Cares?!?
Sep 24th
Last night, the hunnies came over for a Project Runway viewing party. This morning I woke up fondled my balls for a moment and noticed something.
There was a little piece of glitter on my scrotum. Every damn time Benutty comes to our house, he leaves behind glitter EVERYWHERE. Apparently even on my balls.
So what! Who cares?!?
Month in Media: January
Jan 31st
Let’s take a look at the things in entertainment that the D@2 bloggers loved most in the month of January!
Benutty
Music Video – “On to the Next One” by Jay-Z with Swizz Beatz
This shit is soooo effing tight. I sweat for the girls drop-dancing and the druggie in the hoodie. Mami wants.
YouTube Clip – Jiz and the Mammograms
“This is the motherfucking dress I’m going to get motherfucking gangbanged in tonight.” On daily repeat. Don’t think I won’t make a ringtone of it.
Sports – Arizona vs. Green Bay
I literally like seriously almost wet myself over the missed field goal at the end and the completely random turnover to finish the game in overtime. I was banking on an AZ win for a pool I was in so I was really excited — too bad those queens went and ruined it the following week. Oh well. Go Colts!
TV Show – The Jersey Shore
I mean, seriously? This show killed me every feeeeeucking week. Snooki was goddamn hilarious. Who ever knew there were so many fantastic words for DBs? Grenade. Grenade Launcher. Hippo. Creature.
Album – Stronger with Each Tear by Mary J. Blige
I really played this album out this month. It’s very typ of MJB lately — and, let’s face it, the self-empowerment-I-can-do-anything-because-I-overcame-so-much-adversity thing is getting old — but you can’t deny that the bitch has an amazing voice. And her songs are so sweet most of the time! Aww.
D@2 Post – Dead at 2am: Part 2
This killed me. It made me want to die at 2 again! “Champaaaaaaaagne.” D@2 Blogger? ME! Feeeeeucking Safeway aisle 8 spill janitor.
Gary Jr.
Music Video – “Fixin’ to Thrill” by Dragonette
God, I do love my Dragonette. When I spotted this music video which I had never seen before, poop may have come out. …………………..Of my mouth.
Movie – A Single Man
Isherwood is a weirdo but I loved this movie. Colin Firth can be my silver daddy any day.
YouTube Clip – Cadbury Eyebrows
First, I love chocolate. Second, I love this song. Third, I love overly mobile eyebrows.
TV Show – Modern Family
This show is soo awesome. I am Cameron. That’s all I have to say. Go watch the episode called The Incident. Shelley Long plays the crazy mom. It’s so awesome. It’s worth it.
Sports – Nadal/Murray match at the Australian Open
Okay. If I’m going to post a sports highlight, it will likely only be tennis or figure skating. Anyway, Nadal is hot and the Australian Open is kick ass. The build up for this showdown was awesome. Too bad Hottie Nadal bowed out. Puss. Yeah! Not so gay now, am I sluts! L’Angie that post was for you.
D@2 Post – Nick’s Answer to a Question of the Week
Anytime you can get Nick to write an awesome post about you kicking him in his balls, you know that’s a media highlight.
Nick
Current TV: American Idol
Every January I go into American Idol mode. Sadly it is one of my favorite TV shows. I’m not so sure about Ellen yet, so we’ll see how she does during Hollywood week.
Classic TV: Roseanne
You really can’t go wrong with white trash. No matter how many times I see these episodes they are always funny.
Music: Ke$ha
This bitch is off it. Listen to this album will make you want to dance on stripper poles for money. Loves it.
TV Network: The Food Network
Hello!… Chopped, The Worst Cooks in Amercia and the ever enjoyable Unwrapped. It’s like seriously the best network ever.
Favorite YouTube Channel, and Video: Peach Diaries
Seriously.. Peach Diaries is the best channel ever! Princess Peach has never been more entertaining.
D@2 Post: Benutty v. Gary Jr.
This truly is the essence of who we are. It doesn’t get any better than this.
Question of the Week (1/23 – 1/29)
Jan 23rd
This week’s question was asked by FrankieRose from Sacramento, CA:
Q: If a major network decided to do a reality show based on the Haus of Hunnies… and you all eventually voted each other off the show, who would win and why?
This is easy. Let me tell you a little story about what happened last night.
Gary Jr. was on his way to my house last night, when suddenly his stomach started growling at him. With no more cud left to chew mama was one hungry cow. So he began speeding on the Bay Bridge to get to San Francisco faster (I mean to get to Taco Bell faster). Poor Gary Jr. didn’t realize he was going 70mph in a 50mph zone… the only thing on his mind were meximelts, two supreme tacos, a mexican pizza, a gordita, a bean burrito (no onions of course) and big fat bucket of original recipe chicken. Suddenly lights appeared in his rear view mirror, and to his disgust (and to his stomachs disgust) he was being pulled over by a cop.
This bitch receives his ticket and proceeds to my house for fun n games. When he gets here he is all flustered, and pissed off for two reasons. 1- he got a ticket that is going to cost him $201 dollars, and 2- mama’s gut is still hungry. I tried foolishly to make Gary Jr. laugh because after all laughter heals all wounds. How wrong I was, for I was about to learn what really heals all wounds for Gary Jr. Just as I mentioned Benutty’s horrifying cellulite thighs, Gary Jr. spins around (which took longer than you would think), flares his cow nostrils, and kicks me in the balls.
For the next 5 minutes all I saw was white, but I could hear muddled voices in the back ground. Was Nick about to go off on Gary Jr…. toss his inhaler and wallet out the window and drag his ass out by his utters? No… I was paralized. Defeated. Dead. Once I regained conscience I notice Gary Jr. was ok now. He was no longer angry, or bitter, but girlllll… was he hungry!
So to answer your question… Gary Jr. would win.
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Stay tuned for the other responses this week.
If you’d like to ask us a question for next week, please email us at questions@deadat2am.com