Dead at 2am » Aunt F.

Shouldn’t Have Said It (About Me and My Friends)

Benutty — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 14:21:37 +0000

blah blah blahdiddy blah starting halfway into a conversation I was having with my cousin HRH Hannah about her possibly playing in my Survivor Challenge…

Mar 18, 2010 5:40 pm

Hannah
I don’t want to play. They’re mean!

Benutty
No one is mean! It’s all in fun and you’d be on the “family” tribe with your mom and dad

Hannah
Your friends are mean. I read your blog. Fuck YOU’RE mean. But I love you.

Benutty
Hahaha we aren’t mean we love everyone so much

Hannah
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha have you ever listened to 710 am Christian radio in Sac? They love everyone too.

Mar 18, 2010 6:10 pm

Hannah
I’ll talk to Sid cuz at least if he plays I know someone will be on my side

Benutty
Exactly!!! Daniel is gonna be on the friends side lol. And then I’m gonna seduce him and get back with him

Hannah
LOL that’s hot. Awww you miss him.

Benutty
No lol I miss sex

Hannah
It’s hard for me to believe you don’t have sex.

Benutty
Once since August. I’m not a whorebag

Hannah
Ew that is the most sad thing I’ve heard all day.

Benutty
And I’M mean????? My FRIENDS are mean?!?! You just called your cousin SAD! THE SADDEST!!

Hannah
No I said that only having sex once in 7 months is sad. The saddest.

Benutty
Me… expect this convo to show up on the blog.

Hannah
LOL as long as you put the WHOLE thing. At least then Daniel will know you still want him. And maybe you’ll get laid. Love you!

Benutty
Hahahaha you’re such a bitch I love it. You and your mom are such good material for d@2.

Hannah
You’re welcome.

I Like Corned Beef

Gary Jr. — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 02:28:00 +0000

That’s all that needs to be said.

I like corned beef and I will eat it. Don’t get it twisted. I love the Irish.

So What! Who Cares?!?

Gary Jr. — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:21:36 +0000

I had a zit on the inside of my nose once. It was painful. Like a deep pain. I could see a whitehead forming inside my nostril but I just couldn’t get to it. So I figured it would eventually go away. And it did. Then a few days later, a new zit appeared. This time on the outside of my nostril but in the same place as the inside zit. I was pissed. It hurt and grew. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and popped it. No sooner had I popped it and a single strand of hair came out of it, root first.

Yes, that’s right, folks & trolls. I had an ingrown nose hair come out backwards through the outside of my nostril. So what! Who cares?!?

Shouldn’t Have Said It Then

Benutty — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:13:45 +0000

Aunt F doesn’t know who she is dealing with. When she tried to tell me she wasn’t going to compete in my Survivor challenge this year I had to tell her the business. Look at this email thread we had the other day:

Aunt F: not sure about playing this season, don’t really like all the lying to the face stuff, I’m too sensitive. Maybe I can help?
Benutty: No. You’re going to play.
Aunt F: You can’t make me. Gary Jr. might kill me.
Benutty: He loves you. He’d want to be on your tribe. Think of all the pre-game alliances you could make now that you know these fools!
Aunt F: Been done. We’ll see if you need people.
Benutty: hahahaha. Fine. We’ll play with Patron rather than beer.
Aunt F: I’m in.

In the words of Nicka — whatever mami wants, mami gets. yes.

Party Game: The $3 Shuffle

Benutty — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 13:43:23 +0000

I come from a family of notorious gamblers. Any chance we get to bet our hard-earned Ke$ha against the wits & talents of each other we take it! Hold’em Tournaments, football pools, Survivor/Bachelor/Amazing Race/Big Brother/American Idol pools, Reno/Tahoe/Indian casinos, and now — The $3 Shuffle — thanks to Aunt F and HRH Hannah!

Next time you’ve got a fair-sized group of people hanging out try playing this game — it’s a great ice-breaker because it gets everyone excited and there is rarely any arguing considering it’s all based on luck.

The $3 Shuffle

ingredients:
- as many people as possible
- $3 per person
- die

1) sit/stand around a table with each person placing their $3 in front of them

2) starting with the eldest (or youngest, or whoever you goddamn want) each player will roll the die once per turn, and depending on the # they roll they will either pass one of their dollars, throw one into the pot, or get a free pass.

when you roll:

1 – pass $1 to the person on your right
2 – pass $1 to the person on your left
3 – put $1 into the pot
4, 5, 6 – no action, you get a free pass

3) play continues counter-clockwise until every dollar of every player is in the pot, last player to throw in their last dollar wins all the money!

3a) even if you pass away all 3 of your dollars while other people still have them you are not out of the game! there is always the chance that someone to your right or left is going to pass one of their dollars to you on their turn. but remember, you can only roll the die if you have at least one dollar — if you’re out of dollars then the play just passes over you until you get a dollar.

3b) when there is only one person left with money they don’t automatically win! even if they have $2 in front of them and no one else has any they have to continue to roll until they get a 3 and throw their dollars into the pot. if they roll a 1 or a 2 they pass as usual and another player is back in the game. the winner isn’t the last one standing, but rather the last person to throw the last dollar into the pot!

first round of The $3 Shuffle at Aunt F's on Super Bowl Sunday

The Jersey Shore

Benutty — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 00:41:44 +0000

Q: What happens when you get hella drunkies in football jerseys to take a picture?

Photo: HRH Hannah

A: Benutty still wears a brooch & drinks le champerelles.

UPDATE: Aunt F. saved the day — she dug up another bottle of champes for the huhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnies.
Drinks. Champes. Football. Jealous. FrankieRose. Hungry. Mami. Huh? Dead. Rooster. Oops. Nick?