Not-So-Deep Thoughts

Not-So-Deep Thoughts

Dating is like a box of See’s Candy.  You poke, squeeze, lick, taste and smell all your options before finally finding the right one.

Not-So-Deep ‘You Know What I Hate?’

I hate losing games.  This is why I created a system in which I always win.  For example…

If i’m playing Blokus with Benutty and Gary Jr., and Benutty beats me… I win.   How is that possible you ask?  Well let’s put it this way.  If Benutty won then he either cheated or got lucky… so therefore… I win.

Another example…

If I’m playing the Settlers of Catan with Benutty and Gary Jr., and Gary Jr. beats me… I win.  How?  Well obviously Benutty either cheated or helped Gary Jr. win, or Gary Jr. got lucky… so therefore… I win.

See how simple this is.

Not-So-Deep Conversations

So I bought a bottle of water today and headed into work.  The elevator was full of people, and this random guy turned to me and said… “You bought a bottle of water on Earth Day?”.  I looked down at my bottle, and said… “Um… I’m going to recycle it.”

Not-So-Deep Thoughts

I was drinking root beer the other day, and I was wondering what gives it flavor. I looked it up on Wikipedia (because it’s all knowing) and I learned that it gets its flavor from Sassafras root.

About an hour later I thought: “Ohhhh… that’s why they call it Root Beer”.

I hate myself so bad sometimes.

Not-So-Deep Conversations

(Picture it… I’m sitting on a cement block in the park near the Ferry Building)

Tourist: Excuse me… do you live here?

Nick: In the park?

Tourist: Um… no… in San Francisco?

Nick: Oooohhhh… yea.


oops.

Not-So-Deep Conversations

Gary Jr.: I love scary movies

Nick: I don’t… well I don’t when I’m with you… You always squeeze my leg hella hard when something scares you.

Gary Jr.: (looking at an old man walking by) I want to be like that when I’m old. Standing straight, looking good.

Nick: Yea but you’d be in a wheelchair

Gary Jr.: Dead! (grabs my leg hard) Oops… I was watching a horror movie

Nick: Yea… of your life

Not-So-Deep Thoughts… with Nick

“Kris Allen’s album is really good when you have it on shuffle with other music…  When it comes on it’s like a refresher… like something… refreshing.”

Not-So-Deep Thoughts… with Nick

“Americans are like dogs.  They follow the person they think is an authority figure no matter how stupid they are because they don’t think for themselves.”

Not-So-Deep Thoughts… with Nick

“I love toast because it’s like bread… but hotter!”

Oh hoh hoh hoh hoh… I am zee hot fraanch toast.

Not-So-Deep Thoughts… with Nick

“If you ever feel like quitting your job, I think you should just do it. It’s not like you need the money anyway.  Oh wait… Maybe you do.  Sorry Gary Jr.”

Not-So-Deep Thoughts… with Nick

“Happiness is not my friends dancing around singing Lady GaGa songs with champes in their hands… It’s when they finally stop.”    Exhibit A

Not-So-Deep Conversations… with Nick

Jay: The neighbor told me the women who lived here before was schizophrenic lady who used to scream all the time.

Gary Jr.: Oh I bet she lived in your apartment… ooo be careful her spirit might be lingering..

Nick: No.. I would know if there were a spirit in this unit because I would feel their presence.  I’m like a medium.

Gary Jr.: No hunny… you’re a large.

Not-So-Deep Conversations… with Nick

Jay: I had a dream last night that I was having sex with you

Nick: Um.. you’re only supposed to have sex dreams about people you don’t have sex with

Jay: …

Nick: …

Oops.

Not-So-Deep Thoughts… with Nick

“Happiness is like a phone call from an old friend… except they called to tell you they’re dying… hmm I guess that would be sadness then”

Not-So-Deep Thoughts… with Nick

“Being straight is just like being gay… well except the whole liking the opposite sex thing… yuck”