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Posts by Nick
Bucket List with Nick
Jul 28th
Ok so I finally figured out my bucket list. Enjoy.
- 01-Ride the AIDS Life Cycle
- 02-Visit Portugal (Among other European nations)
- 03-Sky diving
- 04-Invent my own board game
- 05-Go on an African safari
- 06-Drive across country (I don’t think I could bike Alfie… we’ll see)
- 07-Write a book
- 08-Own my own business
- 09-Achieve and maintain my ideal weight
- 10-Meet David Beckham and lick him (That’s right… I said it)
I think I have a good chance of completing all of these. Let’s start!
Poor Jimmy
Jul 25th
So my friend Jimmy from Phoenix just sent me this text:
“That’s my foot…and apparently the remnants of my nail-girl’s recent pregnancy. Really Kim???! Cover it up!!”
See the photo attached to this text.
Thanks Jimmy. 
Busted!
Jul 24th
Lets set the stage: Tony, Joey, Shahla and I are pool side relaxing in san jose. I’m just minding my own business as my friend Tony talks about his upcoming wedding. His bride to be is Chinese, and he mentioned that there were some traditional Chinese things that he had to do with her family before the wedding. He mentions that he has to give her family a well fatten pig with a curly tail to prove her virginity. Then Shahla turns around and looks at me and says “there you go”. Oh hunnnnnie. She dies tonight at 2am.
I blame this on Gary Jr. Just so you know.
Bucket List!
Jul 23rd
I was looking at other people’s blogs this morning, and this one guy listed his bucket list. It wasn’t some long “100 things I want to do before I die” kind of bullshit… It was more like 10 things he HAD to do before he died. He had some interesting things on there like “Experience Carnival in Rio”, and “Sail across the Atlantic”.
So my challenge to all the hunnies out there is to make a bucket list of the top 10 things you have to do before you die. I’ll list mine hopefully later today. Yay.. project!
Nick’s Greatest Moments: The Shit Talking Incident
Jul 22nd
This is Part II of the Soda & Ivy Incident:
So in High School Ruby and I hung out with the same crowds, but we always tried to stay away from each other. I have to admit that she did become nicer in her old age, but at the time I was not a very forgiving person and I talked mad shit about her every chance I got. Plus it got me laughs, and who doesn’t like that.
So one day during our lunch break we were sitting around in our usual spot. Most of my friends were there… Jenn the closet lezbo, Christian the gayest man I ever met who wasn’t gay (sorry Alfie), Manuel the other big homo on campus (who I wanted to screw), Archie the douche bag who I really didn’t know, but assumed he was a douche bag because that’s how I roll, and Ruby the cunty skank.
We were all sitting around talking shit about our teachers and the drama folks, when Ruby got up and said she was meeting with a teacher or some shit, and walked away. That’s when I sprang into action:
- Me: Thank god she left. She is such a bitch.
<silence>
- Me: Did you see that shit on her mouth… herpes anyone?
<silence>
At this point Jenn and Manuel were both giving me this look like… “shut the fuck up you stupid bitch” (you know the look Gary), and Christian was trying not to laugh.
- Me: I just fucking hate her. She is worthless.
At this point Archie got up and walked away.
- Me: What’s his problem?
- Jenn: That’s Ruby’s boyfriend you dumb ass!
- Me: Oh ooops.
Needless to say Rudy and Archie really didn’t hang around me after that, but hello… he didn’t stick up for her, so obviously he knew it was the truth.
And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.
Nick’s Greatest Moments: The Soda & Ivy Incident
Jul 21st
Back in 7th grade I had a lot of problems with a lot of people. One of the more ridiculous moments was the Pencil Incident, but another one has stayed in my mind since as well.
It was lunch time, and I was hungry for some Chile Picante Corn Nuts because when I was in Jr. High it was all about the Corn Nuts. It was all about Sun Chips too because they had just come out then (Yes… That’s how old I am). I was waiting in line at the door of the student store. It was basically like this little closet that they converted into a store by cutting a window into the door. Ghetto! My friend Ruby walked over to me, and for no reason at all poured her can of soda over my head. Her and her little Filipino girl gang all started laughing thinking it was the funniest shit ever. After the initial shock of it all I got pretty pissed (to no surprise of anyone). I walked up to her and punched her in the face. Like a little bitch she started crying, and one of her friends ran off to get a teacher or something. Well I was not about to get in trouble on my lunch time, so I took off and headed for the back corner of the field behind our school where I found my friend Lee.
Lunch time was almost over when two of that Ruby’s friends found me.
- Skank 1: She is going to tell the Vice Principle on you.
- Skank 2: You really hurt her asshole… she was just playing.
- Me: Fuck you, you stupid bitches.
- Skank 1: What?!
Lee and I watched them as they tore a vine off the Ivy which was all along the fence. They plucked off all the leaves, ran over to me and started whipping me with it. It fucking hurt like hell!! I don’t know how those S&M leather people do it. I got down on my hands and knees and covered my face and they kept whipping me. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore… As I got up, I back handed Skank 1 as hard as I could. She seriously flew up in the air and landed on her ass. I picked up the whip and whipped her in the back.
- Me: You like how that feels you fucking bitch!
She screamed and ran off with the other skank. The bell rang, and I headed back to class furious. I sat down in my chair… soda covered hair and shirt… dirt all over my clothes… and a couple whip marks on my arms and neck. My teacher came over and asked me:
- Teacher: Are you ok? What were you doing out there?
- Me: Does it look like I want to be bothered today? No… So why don’t you teach your little class and leave me alone.
My teacher walked back up to the front of the class, filled out a form and walked back over to give it to me.
- Teacher: Go to the Vice Principles office.
Well shit… All of that to avoid going there, and my stupid teacher sends me there anyway. Ugh. Hate those fucking bitches! After that day we basically didn’t talk to each other anymore, but I sure did talk a lot of shit about her. Well actually… there was one incident in High School, but I’ll wait to tell that story another day.
And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.
Furries?
Jul 20th
I’m not really sure what is going on here, but this is how we found Gary Jr. this weekend after the Amazing Race. He sure likes his furry little friends.
Not-So-Deep Thoughts
Jul 15th
Dating is like a box of See’s Candy. You poke, squeeze, lick, taste and smell all your options before finally finding the right one.
Braveheart
Jul 12th
You know I have never liked Mel Gibson, but I have to say he has gotten very entertaining lately. These tapes of him losing his shit are insane! How has he never played a drunken mess before… he would be perfect. He could have played Precious’ mother better than Mo-Nique… seriously!
Go to this page and scroll down to the video which has the most awesome 7 minutes of audio ever. How can anyone not hate this idiot?
Diet Update 07/12/10
Jul 12th
So I haven’t posted one of these in a while so let’s catch up on what has been going on. About two weeks ago I lost another pound to make my total weight loss 31 pounds, but then after 4th of July weekend I gained the pound back… Boooooooo! This week though I lost 2 pounds, so my total weight loss now is 32 pounds. A good rebound!
I also went on my first bike trip across the Golden Gate Bridge to Sausalito. The ride back almost killed me but I made it, and I didn’t walk or stop to rest so I think I did a good job. Considering the shape I was in 6 months ago I think I’m doing pretty good.
How is everyone else doing? Benutty? Gary Jr? FrankieRose? Shawnito? Jay?
02/15/10 – 212 pounds
02/22/10 – 212 pounds (-0)
03/01/10 – 210 pounds (-2)
03/08/10 – 205 pounds (-5)
03/15/10 – 203 pounds (-2)
03/22/10 – 200 pounds (-3)
03/25/10 – 199 pounds (-1)
04/05/10 – 196 pounds (-3)
04/12/10 – 196 pounds (-0)
04/19/10 – 194 pounds (-2)
04/26/10 – 192 pounds (-2)
05/03/10 – 191 pounds (-1)
05/10/10 – 189 pounds (-2)
05/17/10 – 187 pounds (-2)
05/25/10 – 187 pounds (-0)
05/31/10 – 186 pounds (-1)
06/07/10 – 184 pounds (-2)
06/15/10 – 183 pounds (-1)
06/21/10 – 182 pounds (-1)
06/28/10 – 181 pounds (-1)
07/05/10 – 182 pounds (+1)
07/12/10 – 180 pounds (-2)
Total Lost to Date: 32 pounds
Drunk & Sober
Jul 11th
The Golden Hunnies
Jul 8th
So Shawnito and I were discussing who the hunnies would be if we were The Golden Girls, and this is what we came up with… Loves it!
I would be Dorothy because I’m the meanest and I could pull off shoulder pads better than anyone else (sorry Gary)
Benutty would be Rose because you really have to explains in detail for him to “get it”.
Gary Jr. would be Sofia because he always has a smart ass come back for everything.
Alfie would be Blanche because everyone wants to do him, and we all know he would be a big slut if he was single. Plus he has the delicate boddess of a southern woman.
Jay would be Stan, Dorothy’s ex-husband because he wants me and is always after it.
Shawnito would be Dreyfuss because he is like the pesky neighbors dog… always putting his nose were it doesn’t belong hahahaha.