Next stop… Whores!
Sweetums Series
Sweetums Sings Italiano
May 28th
Never ever invite Sweetums to a housewarming during the same month that Lady Gaga releases a new album and never give Sweetums 4-5 sour beers.
My First Cassette Tape
May 21st
Nick and I were talking the other day about our fondest childhood memories. We also brought up the first cassettes we owned.
The first cassette I ever purchased with my own allowance money was something FABULOUS! The year: 1989. (Even though the album came out in September 1988, it wasn’t very popular until the next year). The album: Hangin’ Tough by New Kids on the Block.
I remember being so in love with Jordan Knight. This girl in my glass named Allison Geyer (I think) had a whole binder of just photos of him from Tiger Beat and other kid magazines. And we used to sit under one of the trees and look at her folder and sing NKOTB songs. I still tear up when I hear “I’ll Be Loving You (Forever)”. And thus Sweetums was born.
Sweetums #11: Am I Scaring You Tonight?
Jan 16th
Never ever let Gary Jr. go out with coworkers, drink 3 pitchers of Stella with no dinner, then meet up with the huhns at Martuni’s for a 3 martini night-cap. When you let that happen, poor Misha has to hear this on the entire bridge ride home.
Sweetums: The Christmas Collection Continues
Dec 22nd
Never give Gary Jr. a large bottle of homemade Spiced Holiday Ale and an open mic. Eventually, she will remember that she loves Eartha Kitt and will try her rendition of Santa Baby.
Sweetums: The Christmas Collection
Dec 20th
Never give Gary Jr. eggnog on a Monday after working. And never let her win a Kate Smith Christmas album at the office party…drunken drag Christmas ensues.
Sweetums Series #10: Drunken Troll
Dec 13th
Never call Gary Jr. when she is sick and sleeping at midnight because you are a drunk mess and cannot get your shoes off. That’s all. Never.
But you should certainly never leave a message to record for all posterity your messiness. Lady sings the Mess.
Sweetums Series #9: A Few of My FavPigNick Things
Dec 5th
Never give Gary Jr. a stein full of N’ice Chouffe and a microphone. And certainly do not leave up Nick’s post about her favorite pig things.
Madness will certainly ensue. Lady sings the madness.
Sweetums Series #8: The Return of PhaggyPhatPhuck
Sep 13th
This weekend the hunnies went on a camping expedition. Like Lewis and Clark, we trekked through uncharted territory in Marin County along Sir Francis Drake Boulevard known as Samuel P. Taylor State Park.
On the ride home, Benutty requested we play the soundtrack to the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Never let Benutty request a Rocky Horror Sing-a-Long while Gary Jr. recovers from camping fatigue. Madness (some might even call it genius) ensues.
World Premiere Video of Sweetums
Apr 8th
Hey folks and troll babies–
I’m so sorry that I’ve been silent for so long. You see, I went to the Russian River Valley for a weeklong spa vacay with Misha. It was so much fun. We drank too much wine and made way too many babies. Anyhoo, after that we headed right into the studio. I guess I forgot to tell you all that back in October Kylie’s people (Steve Anderson, thanks Stevie) caught wind of my Sweetums series. They were in Oakland for her first concert in the States and checking out the local talent. A boa and a Divine tribute later, Kylie was eating out of my well-manicured hand. Or…I was eating out of hers. She loved Sweetums and immediately offered me a recording contract on the Bubbles Devere label. Yyyyes. Hunnies is now famous.
The world premiere of my music video was awesome. Kylie showed up. Gaga was there. Oprah introduced me to my adoring fans. I wasn’t given enough tickets to invite the hunnies. Oopsies. So I sent my film crew to the Haus of Hunnies to record them on premiere night. Enjoy!
Sweetums Series #831711774
Apr 1st
For the love of GaGa, never send Gary Jr. back into the Interior Illusions Lounge on an empty stomach coz she’ll steal your Absolut cocktails, down ‘em and then grab the mic outta your hand.
Then all hell breaks loose on Pride Rock.
Toodles,
Gary Jr.
Sweetums Series: The Collaboration
Feb 21st
That’s right. All the hunnies got together for this one to save Haiti.
Never let Nick, Benutty and Gary Jr. have the keys to your music studio. And never give them 5 bottles of champes to share between the three. They will get a cravin’ for meatloaf.
Ladies Sing the Meatloaf (for Haiti)
Enjoy!
Next week iTunes will be releasing the coveted outtakes from the studio session with the Hunnies. But you will hear it here first ladies and gentlemen and farm animals.
Ladies Who Lunch on Meatloaf and then Gag and Choke then Die like Momma Cass