Next stop… Whores!
So What! Who Cares?!?
So What! Who Cares?!?
Mar 8th
I took the empty elevator down to the lobby today. 8th floor, 7th, 6th, 5th . . . I feel a rumble in my belly. 4th, 3rd, 2nd . . . I walk up to the closed doors in anticipation. BURPHELLLCH! (Oops, I burped a little with my mouth closed). 1st. DING DING. I exhale, letting the putrescence blow out and I gasped for breath right as the doors open, eyes watering.
There is a woman standing inches away from the opening doors in the lobby. Don’t ask me why she was standing so close to the elevator doors. But that’s right, I blew my teriyaki burp right into her face as the elevator doors opened. It actually blew her hair a little.
That’s what you get for wearing heels on a Tuesday. So what! Who cares?!?
So What! Who Cares?!?
Dec 22nd
I was incredibly sick for the last two weeks. I had the flu; I threw up; I busted blood vessels in my eye; I had crazy thick chest congestion…and poor Misha stood by me through thick and thin (mostly thick).
One night we were sitting on the couch and I was wrapped in a blanket. Suddenly and without warning I had the instant need to cough before I could even get my hand to my mouth. Luckily, I turned my head away from Misha as a hefty cough from my lower lungs belted out. When I turned back around to look at Misha, he was like “OH MY GOD. GROSS BABY! You have some on your lip!”
Sure enough, I had a little bit of thick green yellow mucus hanging from my lip. Without missing a beat, I quickly said, “Well you’re lucky you didn’t see the huge glob that flew out of my mouth and landed on your blanket. Let me get a napkin.”
Yeah. That’s right. I hocked up a loogie and it landed on the blanket and Misha was there to experience my cuteness. So What! Who Cares?!?
So What! Who Cares?!?
Dec 14th
So my parents came to visit this weekend. While having Cornish hens I saw my dad jabbing a steak knife deep into his mouth.
“Oh!
My!
God!
Dad! What are you doing?? Why are you jabbing a steak knife in and out of your mouth?!?”
He looks at me rolls his eyes and says, “I have a big gap between my molars an food gets stuck in there. I use a knife to get it out! So what? Why do you care?”
Oh hunnies! Who knew my Dad was such a fan of the blog?
So what! Who cares?!?
So What! Who Cares?!?
Dec 6th
All last week I’ve been complaining about my iPhone. The headphones keep crapping out and I only can hear out of the left ear. I had to keep pushing the headphones in and twisting it around in order to get a good connection.
Nick, of course, had an absolute opinion as to why my phone was busted. Listen here. Oh and so did Benutty.
Well, last night I was playing a crossword on my phone and noticed something as I sat it down. I peered into the hole and saw something. What was it? It looked like a little piece of white plastic had broke off of my phone and was lodged in the earphone jack. Grr. I can’t listen to my music and the iPhone is literally falling to pieces.
So I get a little piece of wire and try to fish the plastic out of the hole. Sure enough I get it. And lo and behold, I discover it is not a piece of plastic that had broken off my phone but rather a fingernail clipping.
That’s right. A FINGERNAIL CLIPPING. I swear I can’t make this shit up.
So what! Who cares?!? It’s a fingernail clipping in my iPhone earphone jack. Have a glass of Pinot Grigio and go to bed. So what! Who cares?!?
So What! Who Cares?!?
Dec 1st
So this morning I woke up to Misha grinning from ear to ear. “What’s your deal?” I ask. “You don’t remember what you did last night, do you?” he responds. “I did nothing other than sleep. Why?”
“So you don’t remember pulling the covers off me and blowing me in your sleep?”
I don’t remember that at all. But (or butt) fuck it. So what! Who cares? I blow cock in my sleep.
So What! Who Cares?!?
Nov 25th
So it was time for bed and Misha offs the light. We get naked and slip under the covers and then Misha loudly pronounces “I DO NOT APPROVE OF WEARING NOTHING BUT YOUR SHAWL TO BED! TAKE IT OFF!”
I didn’t take it off. So what! Who cares?!?
Also, I wrote this post wearing nothing but that shawl in bed. So what! Who cares?!? It’s cold. Like my Pinot Grigio.
So What! Who Cares?!?
Sep 24th
Last night, the hunnies came over for a Project Runway viewing party. This morning I woke up fondled my balls for a moment and noticed something.
There was a little piece of glitter on my scrotum. Every damn time Benutty comes to our house, he leaves behind glitter EVERYWHERE. Apparently even on my balls.
So what! Who cares?!?
So What! Who Cares?!?
Jun 23rd
So I noticed a lump on the nape of my neck two days ago. I thought it was a mole or something but then it grew and got bigger and bigger. And then it started to hurt. I was hella freaking out. I had Misha check it out. He had no idea what it was and didn’t offer any help. Finally I set up a series of mirrors and investigated myself. There was a tiny black dot near the lump. I got tweezers out…and I tugged at the tiny black dot. Immediately, I pulled out roughly six inches of hair out of my fucking skin! No joke. There were like three ingrown very fine hairs in the lump.
The lump is still there. So I’m hoping it starts going down soon. Yuck.
So what! Who cares?!? Oh wait. I care. BARF.
So What! Who Cares?!?
Jun 7th
So Misha and I went to the beach this weekend. Alameda has a really cute little strip of beach. And there were tons of kids and families playing. Anyway, I stripped down to my cutie little panties. And did a little sunbathing. My milky whiteness almost instantly burned. And you know how fat I am and sensitive so I was pretty nervous to be so exposed on the beach.
Anyway, this family walks by us and I hear this little kid start laughing and then I heard him saying, “Oh my god. Look at that. Hahahaha.” Then I hear Misha call him a little bastard. So I roll over and see this huge Samoan family and a fat little Samoan kid pointing and laughing at me.
I take off my sunglasses and look right at the fat little mess before me. And I yell out, “Take it all in, fatty. You’re looking into your future, chub boy!” That shut him up.
So What! Who cares?!?
So What! Who Cares?!?
Mar 31st
Scroll to :43. Or watch the whole thing, it’s only a minute long. So what! Who cares?!?