Next stop… Whores!
Archive for September, 2010
Dear Ex,
Sep 29th
Oh don’t get me wrong — I’m hella glad we aren’t together anymore. My friends will try and tell you I Freudian slip regularly talkin bout “when we get back together” but they’re whores and liars.
Maybe THAT’S why you defriended half of them on Facebook! You see, I’m trying to figure this out.
HRH pointed out to me this morning that a) your new pic is ugly and b) that you defriended her. I checked who else you got rid of and I can’t really explain your reasoning. You defriended HRH and my mom and my aunts but not two of my cousins and my sisters. You defriended Nick and Gary Jr. but not their boyfriends. What the! You even kept my friend that lives in Morocco now that you met once!! I don’t get it. Defriend us all, or no one.
You’re a child, an idiot, and your new boyfriend looks like Danny DeVito as The Penguin. Congrats on your “in a relationship.”
Please defriend me too,
Benutty
Plan Mongolia
Sep 24th
Misha took a Mongolian class once to learn Mongolian since he was also speaking Russian. I guess Mongolian uses the same script as Russian even though it’s a different language. When the Commies came in and took over the country, they forced their script onto the Mongols.
Anyway, all I know about Mongolia is what I have seen on Andrew Zimmern’s Bizarre Foods and what Misha brought home once for me to try. If I had seen the Andrew Zimmern show before the Misha incident, I wouldn’t have eaten Misha’s “candy.”
Misha told me that he had Mongolian “candy” from school and they had plenty of extras left over so the teacher said each student could take some home for their friends and family (that should have been a red flag for me….extra candy? Really? Why?)
So Misha hands me some little white crumbly pellets. I pop them in my mouth and I bite down. They crumble and mix with my saliva into a paste. A curdled milk sugar paste. Seriously, Mongolian candy is based on sour curdled milk. Like when you have spoiled chunky milk in the fridge. Well, take that milk, add some tiny amount of sugar, put it out in the sun to dry on the top of your yurt until it’s dried to the bone then form it into pellets for all the neighbor kids on the nomad prairie. Since it was so dry, it sucked the saliva from my mouth and for hours my mouth had a curdled sour milk taste in my mouth. YUCK. Nothing could get it out.
The candy is called ARUUL. I think probably because that’s the sound I made when I chewed it.
Mongolians also drink a sour milk beverage. Technically, it’s fermented MARE’s milk. MARE not cow. HORSE, Nick. Horse. Gross. And they drink it like beer. Because it gets you drunk. It’s horse milk beer. It’s called AIRAG. I think probably because that’s also the sound foreigners make when they try it for the first time. Also, I should point out the candy above is also MARE milk. Not cow milk. So the candy also has a nice grassy gamey umami flavor.
That’s all. Mongolia. Visit Dead at 2am. 2010.
Also just to throw it out there. I love President Elbegdorj Tsakhia. I love the Great Hural of Mongolia. I also love Chief Justice Batdelger Sodnomdarjaa!
TV Premiere Week! [Friday, Saturday & Sunday]
Sep 24th
Who the hell watches TV on Friday or Saturday? I will probably DVR SNL since Amy Poehler is hosting, but besides that there is not shit to watch on Friday and Saturday. Those nights were made for drinking!
Sunday is a different story… so let’s see what goodies we have to watch:
Sunday – 8pm
- ABC – Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (Starts at 7pm)
- CBS – The Amazing Race
- FOX – The Simpsons / The Cleveland Show
- NBC – Sunday Night Football
- Style – Jerseylicious
- Food Network – Food Network Challenge
–Love the Amazing Race! I’ll DVR it though since it actually comes on at 8:30 and ends at 10. Too many other shows on during that time. Stresses me out.
Sunday – 9pm
- ABC – Desperate Housewives
- CBS – The Amazing Race (Continued)
- FOX – Family Guy
- NBC – Sunday Night Football (Continued)
- HBO – Boardwalk Empire
- SHO – Dexter
- Food Network – Iron Chef America
– I’m either watching Boardwalk Empire at 6pm (east coast feed), or at 9 and DVR’ing Desperate Housewives. Excited to see both. OH and Vanessa Williams is on Desperate Housewives now… so exciting!
Sunday – 10pm
- ABC – Brothers & Sisters
- CBS – Undercover Boss
- FOX – Local News = Blah
- AMC – Mad Men
- E! – Keeping Up with the Kardashians
– I absolutely love Brothers & Sisters… and I fear this is their last season. Very excited to see what they do this season, and from what I have heard it is going to be good.
What are you cunts watching on Sunday?
So What! Who Cares?!?
Sep 24th
Last night, the hunnies came over for a Project Runway viewing party. This morning I woke up fondled my balls for a moment and noticed something.
There was a little piece of glitter on my scrotum. Every damn time Benutty comes to our house, he leaves behind glitter EVERYWHERE. Apparently even on my balls.
So what! Who cares?!?
Reality Show Star
Sep 23rd
I just added a new poll to the site asking “Which reality show/competition would you love to be on?”. You can choose up to 3 that interest you, and let us know in the comments why… If it is not on the list, put it in the comments as well.
PS: Attempting to fix the poll feature. Added it to the post instead of the side bar. Reset the poll. Please vote again.
TV Premiere Week! [Thursday]
Sep 23rd
First off… how fucking good was last nights tribal council on Survivor? I lost my shit multiple times. This is by far one of the most entertaining groups they have had in a while. It is just missing a bitchy queer. What’s up Survivor producers??? Where all the gays at?
Second… how crazy is that fucking guy on Top Chef: Just Desserts?? Oh.. girl you need to calm down, and breathe… “the red hots were for my mommy”… serious issues! No one needs to cry that much during a quickfire challenge… its not like you were going to get eliminated for not finishing.
Well let’s hope the rest of the week is as entertaining as last night:
Thursday – 8pm
- ABC – My Generation
- CBS – Big Bang Theory / $#*! My Dad Says
- FOX – Bones
- NBC – Community / 30 Rock
- CW – Vampire Diaries
–My Generation looks like it could be cute, but I think I will wait to watch it at a later time.. like on Hulu or something… or maybe DVR… Obviously I love Community and 30 Rock… so I’ll be watching those on Thursdays.
Thursday – 9pm
- ABC – Grey’s Anatomy
- CBS – CSI
- FOX – Fringe
- NBC – The Office / Outsourced
- CW – Nikita
- Bravo – Real Housewives of D.C.
- Lifetime – Project Runway
–Duh.. Project Runway is one of my favorite shows. I was interested in seeing Outsourced because it is basically what I do… manage Indians in customer service, but it has been getting super shitty reviews.
Thursday – 10pm
- ABC – Private Practice
- CBS – The Mentalist
- FOX – Local News = Blah
- NBC – The Apprentice
- CW – Local News = Blah
- FX – Always Sunny in Philadelphia
- Lifetime – Project Runway (Continued) / On The Road w/Austin and Santino
- MTV – Jersey Shore
–Can I just say that I think On The Road w/ Austin and Santino is one of the best shows on TV. Hahahaha. Love it! Everything else at 10pm sucks.
What are you bitches watching tonight?
Jiggly Jiggly Flan
Sep 22nd
As most of you know, Misha and I love to cook. We are constantly doing weird shit in the kitchen. We were picklers for a while. Misha’s pickled mushrooms were outrageously tasty. I love making homemade pulled pork and Gary’s BBQ sauce for Oscar parties. Misha makes 80 types of bread. He makes levain and pain poolish. We are fermenting our own beer right now. (In fact, we are probably bottling it today or tomorrow. Once I pull out my thief and do another hydrometer measurement).
So when Misha handed me his new Apple laptop to show me a new cookbook, I got excited. Mmm. I’ve been reading all of Michael Pollan’s books and some gardening books…I’m even growing my own beans and tomatoes right now, so I couldn’t wait to see what Misha was recommending we buy.
Umm. I literally gagged upon reading the title and correlating it to the FLAN on the cover. Jiggly jiggly flan! “____ is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of ____ is complex and dynamic. ____ is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants.”
Here’s the link to the cookbook. It’s only $24.95! What a steal.
TV Premiere Week! [Tuesday]
Sep 21st
I watched The Event last night and I loved it. I’m hoping it is like Lost, and builds a lot of mysteries without giving us too much information. It’s looking promising. Anywho.. Lets see what’s on tonight:
Tuesday – 8pm
- ABC – Dancing With The Stars
- CBS – NCIS
- FOX – Glee
- NBC – Biggest Loser
- CW – One Tree Hill
–GLEE! I can’t wait to watch Glee tonight! I hope the Glee version of Lady Gaga’s Telephone is in this episode. The only other show I would have watched is The Biggest Loser, because that one trainer named Bob is hot!
Tuesday – 9pm
- ABC – Dancing With The Stars (Continued)
- CBS – NCIS: Los Angeles
- FOX – Raising Hope / Running Wilde
- NBC – Biggest Loser (Continued)
- CW – Life Unexpected
- Bravo – Flipping Out
- Oxygen – Bad Girls Club
- SyFy – Warehouse 13
–Wow with all the options for new shows at this hour… not one of them interest me. I guess I’ll be watching the 2nd half of the Biggest Loser. I don’t know much about the shows that are following Glee, but if the previews look decent I might watch them (but I doubt it.)
Tuesday – 10pm
- ABC – Detroit 1-8-7
- CBS – NCIS: Los Angeles (Continued)
- FOX – Local News = Blah
- NBC – Parenthood
- CW – Local News = Blah
- Bravo – Rachel Zoe Project
- Food Network – Chopped
–Definitely watching Parenthood… This show is soo good, and it’s based in Berkeley. It’s like a new version of Brothers & Sisters. I’ll DVR Chopped on Food Network because they are currently doing the Chopped Champion series. So good!
So… What will you be watching?
TV Premiere Week! [Monday]
Sep 20th
Thank god the fall season is finally upon us! Lets see what tonight has to offer…
Monday – 8pm
- ABC – Dancing With The Stars
- CBS – How I Met Your Mother / Rules Of Engagement
- FOX – House
- NBC – Chuck
- CW – 90210
–I won’t be watching anything at 8pm. None of these shows interests me at all. I’ll watch whatever is on the Food Network.
Monday – 9pm
- ABC – Dancing With The Stars (Continued)
- CBS – Two & A Half Men / Mike & Molly
- FOX – Lonestar
- NBC – The Event
- CW – Gossip Girl
–I think I’ll watch The Event… and DVR Lonestar… because the actor in Lonestar is HOT.. and the Event just looks like it will be really good. So you know. Love Gossip Girl, but I still need to catch up from last season. PS: anyone who watches Two & a Half Men can die… the worst show on TV!
Monday – 10pm
- ABC – Castle
- CBS – Hawaii Five-O
- FOX – Local News = Blah
- NBC – Chase
- CW – Local News = Blah
- A&E – Hoarders
–First of all.. Castle sucks.. I hate both of the main actors on that show. Second… of all the fucking old shows you could remake why in the hell would anyone remake Hawaii Five-O? Third… I’m so sick of cop shows (Chase). The obvious choice for 10pm is Hoarders.
Also… HBO’s Boardwalk Empire premiered last night and I thought it was pretty good. I will definitely be watching it again to see how it develops.
So… What will you be watching tonight?