I’m sick of the Benutty Troll family’s unwanted advances. Yes, I know I am so sexy and so outrageous and the Benutty Troll family has an unnatural attraction to the profane and disturbing… I know when I walk into a room, everything gravitates towards me. (Yes that’s a weight reference. ZING!) But come on.

So Auntie Frawn is always buzzing my phone….asking for a new load of stone blocks, 10 conjurations or 8 thoroughbred horses. I’m like damn girl. I know you love me but please. We Rule is for everyone, stop flirtin’ gurrrl.

FrankieRose is constantly playing dirty sexual words on Scrabble like phallus, rusty trombone and buttfucker. Mmhmm, I know you want my sexy ladyesque body.

And then last night I get a personal email from Chongo. He wanted to know: “is an ass a nice ass regardless if it’s male or female?” I’m sorry but if that is not a veiled attempt to get into my pants, I don’t know what is. Stop trying to make me have sex with you, Chongo. Everyone knows I have a lady ass. Stop trying to finger it. But yes, Chongo, keep those eyes close. A mouth is a mouth is a mouth when your eyes are closed.