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Archive for May, 2010
Month in Media: May
May 31st
Let’s take a look at the things in entertainment that the D@2 bloggers loved most in the month of May!
Benutty
Music Album – Janelle Monae’s The ArchAndroid (Suites II & III)
There’s no way a better album is going to come out this year. Janelle has taken music to a level it hasn’t been in a long time, creating a concept album and weaving within it a cohesive message of liberation, adventure, and love. The music finds inspiration in R&B funk like Outkast’s The Love Below with a good mix of upbeat, catchy songs and tender ballads. So good, I really can’t stop listening to it.
TV Season Finale – Brothers & Sisters
Ever the tearjerker, B&S brought the action this season with their finale. A lot of great new storylines were introduced right at the end while at the same time ending the boring ones they’ve been playing around with for a while. I don’t understand how everyone doesn’t watch this show because it is seriously one of the best out there! Hello it has everyone — the wife from Mrs. Doubtfire, Brenda from Six Feet Under, and Ally McBeal! And THREE gay characters!! Loves. Balthazar Getty is hot.
Music Video – Kylie Minogue’s All the Lovers
Um. So this officially came out on the last day of May, but huhhnns it’s so good. Considering her lackluster album art, Kylie needed a good video. And during a time in music when everyone is stressing out over who is copying who, she brings something fresh to her own style — an extravagantly gay style that has worked well for her for the past two decades. Anthill human orgy anyone? Can’t wait for the album.
D@2 Post – Lost and Found
I have to admit I really enjoyed setting up Shawnito on this one! It was definitely the funnest post for me to write. He sent me this picture and tried to tell me it was of Gary’s panties, but little did he know I would turn it back around on him! Fool/loves.
Nick
TV Character – Brittany on Glee
Seriously though… she could be one of the greatest characters on TV ever. I’m so glad that she is going to be a regular next season because we need to see more! I’m also curious to see what sort of songs she is going to sing.
TV Finale – Lost
I know a lot of people were unhappy with the way Lost ended but I thought it was an amazing ending. Sure a lot of questions were unanswered, but I think as we all re-watch the series there will be plenty of clues that can lead us to answer those questions ourselves. The hyperlink above is a link to an article about what Lost is about… well it’s one persons view of it, but I like it… so yea.
iPhone App – Knocking Video
Easily the D@2 Crew’s favorite app of the month. Benutty especially loved this app while he was visiting New York City. Just look at this screen shot I took on my iPhone during one of his disgusting knocking sessions.
D@2 Post – Oh Boy!
Classic Gary Jr. Gary Jr. and Benutty are obsessed with pooping in public, and this makes for a lot of good stories.
Gary Jr.
Commercial – Weber’s BBQ Dance Off
When this stupid commercial comes on, I totally groove out. I can’t help it. Weber made a summer classic. I want to BBQ!
Music – Persephone’s Bees – Paper Plane
Not my favorite band ever but for some reason I like this video and to me, music this month was lacking. I basically stuck to my old standards. This was the only new thing to add to it. Oh and a little Jóhann Jóhannsson too. His music is very quiet, 10 minute long diddies that fill up space and take you on journeys almost like Sigur Ros and the like. Love it. Oh cuz he’s Icelandic! Iceland makes the craziest musicians. Sorry Bjork.
TV – American Idol Finale
It was an awful finale and Lee was awful but so was Crystal. I only loved it because I won the Benutty Family Pool and took a cool $110 from them when they weren’t looking. Thanks for the victory! xoxo
D@2 Post - Dead Giveaway Outtakes
Died.
Diet Update 05/31/10
May 31st
I have no clue how my body did it… but I lost 1 pound this week. After all the drinking I did this week it is truly a miracle.
Anyone have some low-calorie recipes they would like to share? Gary Jr?
Oh and how is everyone else doing?
02/15/10 – 212 pounds
02/22/10 – 212 pounds (Failed)
03/01/10 – 210 pounds (-2)
03/08/10 – 205 pounds (-5)
03/15/10 – 203 pounds (-2)
03/22/10 – 200 pounds (-3)
03/25/10 – 199 pounds (-1)
04/05/10 – 196 pounds (-3)
04/12/10 – 196 pounds (Failed)
04/19/10 – 194 pounds (-2)
04/26/10 – 192 pounds (-2)
05/03/10 – 191 pounds (-1)
05/10/10 – 189 pounds (-2)
05/17/10 – 187 pounds (-2)
05/25/10 – 187 pounds (Failed)
05/31/10 – 186 pounds (-1)
Total Lost to Date: 26 pounds
This is Why I am a Good Friend
May 29th
So I recently celebrated my birthday. I got a lot of cute shits from friends. Benutty for example got me eyelashes. And then a huge package of ProFlowers arrived. Like 30 Peruvian Lillies. Love em. So pretty. I take a look at the card. It is from L’Angie. She is sooo thoughtful then I start thinking about her and I have a minor meltdown. 10 days before my birthday is HER birthday and I forgot to get her anything or even call her. Oops. So I call her and thank her for the flowers. And I remind her of my black heart and how I am a terrible person for forgetting her birthday. She then reminded me it was her 30th birthday and I vomited. I’m an ass.
But the flowers were lovely sitting on my mantle.
Oh Boy!
May 27th
Today, I was having my afternoon poop break. In case you didn’t know, I’m doing some temp work right now. Anyway, I’m harvesting some onion and watermelon on We Rule and someone walks in and takes the stall right next to me. He sits on the shitter. And starts ripping some serious farts.
Then it gets quiet. He shifts. He loudly states, “Oh boy!” and drops 5-7 logs in the toilet.
Now who does that? No talking! Especially no “oh boys!” I was disgusted. I was mortified. I was turned on. Jay Kay!
Benutty’s Biggest Fear
May 27th
Considering the amount of weight Nick has been losing I have begun having horrific dreams about what she’s going to look like once the rest of her fat is gone. I’ve imagined everything from Sophia Loren to Rosie O’Donnell and Star Jones to Jiggly Puff. But it wasn’t until today that I actually fully realized how truly frightening this is going to be.
While researching folkloric demons on Wikipedia today with a coworker I came across the Nuppeppo of Japanese myth. “It is described to have a flabby appearance and is accompanied by a pungent body odor. It is a blob of flesh with a hint of a face in the folds of fat. It is also described as having fingers and toes if not vaguely defined lumps… The body odor is said to rival that smell of rotting flesh. Other theories claim that the Nuppeppo [Nick] is actually decaying flesh… This yokai has made many appearances in several films, including classic yokai monsters trilogy made in the late 60s.”
Nuppeppo = Skinny Nick
Hella scared
Nick’s Greatest Moments: The Centerfolds Incident
May 27th
Before I came out to a lot of my friends when I was around 19 or 20 years old, we used to go to Centerfolds Strip Club to see all the lovely ladies. I didn’t really go to see the ladies obviously. I went to see my straight guy friends get boners in their pants. It was like… Yea you go get your lap dance and then walk back over here giving me perfect viewing of your business. Of course every once in a while I would buy a lap dance to take attention away from my sexuality (even though all those fools knew).
One of the first times I went to Centerfolds I got a lap dance from a girl named Dakota. I remember after my first lap dance with her, she sat down next to me and asked me:
- Dakota: Did you enjoy that?
- Me: Yea…
- Dakota: Are you sure? I usually get a better reaction then that
- Me: Oh… no it was good.
- Dakota: You’re gay huh?
- Me: Kinda
- Dakota: It’s pretty obvious… you didn’t get hard.
- Me: Sorry
- Dakota: Do your friends know?
- Me: No
- Dakota: Ok. Go ahead and go back… I’ll come by and flirt with you later.
So I returned to the table that my friends were at, and lied about how great it was. About 20 minutes later Dakota came by our table, and sat down in my lap.
- Dakota: I really enjoyed our time together earlier… how about another dance… on the house.
This continued every time I went to Centerfolds. Eventually most of the girls knew I was gay, and they would always come up and flirt with me. They would give me free dances all the time. All my friends were so jealous that I got all the attention. I loved it though… I thought it was fun.
Eventually I stopped going when I came out to everyone. I hung out with Dakota a couple times outside of Centerfolds until she moved to Arizona for school. Before she moved she told me that the reason all the girls would give me free lap dances is because they had a bet to see who could get me hard first. Hellz no bitches! Never happened.
And that… is one of Nick’s Greatest Moments.
Dear Janet,
May 27th
Thank you.
Mostly for looking tranny-gorgeous with that haircut and in that dress, but also for making your goddamn comeback!
Coz huhhhnnns that perfomance on American Idol last night was so “hey girl what’s up I’m bout to start making hella good music again right quick coz I’ve sucked ever since I married Jermaine Dupri” fierce. Loved it.
Dancin it out,
Benutty
Not-So-Deep ‘You Know What I Hate?’
May 26th
I hate losing games. This is why I created a system in which I always win. For example…
If i’m playing Blokus with Benutty and Gary Jr., and Benutty beats me… I win. How is that possible you ask? Well let’s put it this way. If Benutty won then he either cheated or got lucky… so therefore… I win.
Another example…
If I’m playing the Settlers of Catan with Benutty and Gary Jr., and Gary Jr. beats me… I win. How? Well obviously Benutty either cheated or helped Gary Jr. win, or Gary Jr. got lucky… so therefore… I win.
See how simple this is.