Archive for March, 2010

Once upon a time there was a wealthy man who owned a drag bar in The Castro. He had made most of his money there, through the performances of his oldest and most experienced Drag Queen. Honeys came from all over The Castro and beyond to see her perform — they would dance the night away while she lip-synced to their favorite tunes. She was a beautiful Queen, and had become fond of one of the boys who worked on odds and ends at the bar. She took him under her wing and taught him all she knew.

Then one day the Drag Queen fell ill, and was told she would soon die. She called her to side the boy, and upon her deathbed, said to him, “My Princess, I have been your Drag-Mother, teaching you all that I know. But now is the moment when my star will fade and yours must begin to shine. Take my gowns, and my heels, my wigs and my makeup and use them always. Go to the wealthy man and offer yourself as my replacement. Be fabulous and the Honeys will tip you well and you will become famous.” And then she died.

The boy returned to the bar immediately, but did not find the wealthy man alone. He was with a new Drag Queen, who at her side had two boys of her own. These boys seemed feminine and beautiful on the outside, but on the inside were manipulative and ugly. The wealthy man said, “Boy, this is my new Drag Queen and with her are her Drag-Daughters who she will teach and prepare for their own careers. Consider her your new mother, and them your new sisters, who shall run the bar for me while I am away on business.”

The next day the man left, and then began very evil times for the boy. The Evil Drag Queen took the boy from his normal duties and made him tend bar day and night by himself, doing whatever the Honeys who patronized the bar asked of him. And so for months the boy mixed cocktails and wiped tables tirelessly and with little pay, for all his earnings were returned to the Evil Drag Queen. And after the bar closed the boy was told to sleep in the bed of a different Honey each night to please him. And any money he earned there must also be given to the Evil Drag Queen. And after sleeping with the Honeys the boy would return in the morning smelling of their filth, and because of this smell the Ugly Drag-Daughters called him Honeyrella.

One night at the bar the wealthy man announced that the Producers of a reality show would be holding a gala the following evening to cast one young Drag Princess in their upcoming competition to find the next Drag Queen superstar. The Evil Drag Queen brought the Ugly Drag-Daughters onto the stage and pronounced them the most likely at the bar to be chosen by the Producers so they would attend the gala and no one else. And although he wanted to go to the gala very much, Honeyrella would not be allowed, for the bar still needed tending that evening.

Honeyrella in his sadness retreated to the bathroom and began to weep in the mirror. But next to his reflection he saw that of his Drag-Mother. And the image spoke to him, asking him to make a wish on her reflection. And so he wished for the chance to attend the gala, and before his very eyes appeared an invitation addressed to him. He looked up into the mirror to thank his Drag-Mother, but her image had disappeared. And Honeyrella realized that even with an invitation he would not be permitted to leave the bar unattended. And so he sulked on back to work.

But Honeyrella’s luck continued, for the next evening no Honeys came into the bar, for all Honeys of The Castro were at the gala to see the Producers. Honeyrella took this as another sign from his Drag-Mother and quickly changed into her best gown, and slipped on her most golden heels, and decked himself out with all of the fixings that made the Drag Queen the best that she had been. And with these things and the invitation the new Drag Princess raced to the gala.

At the gala all eyes immediately turned to Honeyrella, who was now the most beautiful of all the young Princesses in attendance. The Producers, whose gaze was for a while stuck on the Ugly Drag-Daughters now turned to Honeyrella. One Producer approached her and begged her to perform. And perform she did until the Ugly Drag-Daughters approached the stage, and recognizing Honeyrella for who she was grabbed at her gown and tore it to shreds. In shame, Honeyrella ran from the gala so quickly that one of her heels came off, but she did not stop to look back.

The next day the Producers came to the drag bar looking for Honeyrella, but, seeing only a meager boy tending bar, were very confused. They asked the boy if they had seen a beautiful Drag Princess around, and held up the heel Honeyrella had left behind. And before the boy could speak the Ugly Drag-Daughters emerged from a door, each proclaiming to be the one they were looking for.

The Producers had each of the Ugly Drag-Daughters try on the heel, but to their disappointment the heel fit neither, for one had too big of feet and the other had too small. The Producers said they had been to every drag bar in all of The Castro looking for the Princess that took their breath away at the gala, and now at this last bar they still could not find her. All hope was lost. The evil Drag Queen complained, urging the Producers to let her daughters try on the heel again, and as she had the attention of one of the Producers, the other felt a tap on his shoulder.

Standing behind him was Honeyrella, decked to the nines in the glamorous dress from the gala, a flowing wig, and astounding makeup. And on one foot was a golden heel, the match to the one in his hand. In awe, he knelt down and slipped the heel onto Honeyrella’s foot, and it fit perfectly. And just then the wealthy man walked in to see for the first and last time, the gorgeous face of Honeyrella in drag, the Princess who would go on to become the next Drag Queen superstar and who would live gayly ever after!

The End