Dear Gary Jr.,

While I had a few free moments at work today I decided to check my google reader. In that reader I have an RSS feed for D@2 (anybody who is anybody has this set up) and I read all new postings which I had not read since the last time I read the blog (yesterday). After reading the AMAZING story of Nicks kettle corn from beginning to end because it is possibly the greatest date story every. (Yes Nick, it was a date Benutty was right. No Benutty that disgusting event does not count as “nerves” and so it doesnt fit Nicks rules so he is also right).

Oh yeah so obviously I pulled that last bit from the comment section. The thing about the comment section Mr. Jr. is… that I read them as much as I do the blog.

Lastly, as to your accusations about our sexual relations. I do admit that our friendship is greater than that of others and was in fact so strong that it was worthy of documentation and the basis for a television show.

However I want to appologize that you were under the impression that this friendship was something more. Although it is clear your utters leak milk for me, the feelings are not mutual. Plucking my tail feathers and tickling your hole with them does not count as a mutual sexual experience… it is just an expression of your dillusional belief in our relationship.

With the deepest hate and respect,

Alfie