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Question of the Week (1/23 – 1/29)
This week’s question was asked by FrankieRose from Sacramento, CA:
Q: If a major network decided to do a reality show based on the Haus of Hunnies… and you all eventually voted each other off the show, who would win and why?
This is easy. Let me tell you a little story about what happened last night.
Gary Jr. was on his way to my house last night, when suddenly his stomach started growling at him. With no more cud left to chew mama was one hungry cow. So he began speeding on the Bay Bridge to get to San Francisco faster (I mean to get to Taco Bell faster). Poor Gary Jr. didn’t realize he was going 70mph in a 50mph zone… the only thing on his mind were meximelts, two supreme tacos, a mexican pizza, a gordita, a bean burrito (no onions of course) and big fat bucket of original recipe chicken. Suddenly lights appeared in his rear view mirror, and to his disgust (and to his stomachs disgust) he was being pulled over by a cop.
This bitch receives his ticket and proceeds to my house for fun n games. When he gets here he is all flustered, and pissed off for two reasons. 1- he got a ticket that is going to cost him $201 dollars, and 2- mama’s gut is still hungry. I tried foolishly to make Gary Jr. laugh because after all laughter heals all wounds. How wrong I was, for I was about to learn what really heals all wounds for Gary Jr. Just as I mentioned Benutty’s horrifying cellulite thighs, Gary Jr. spins around (which took longer than you would think), flares his cow nostrils, and kicks me in the balls.
For the next 5 minutes all I saw was white, but I could hear muddled voices in the back ground. Was Nick about to go off on Gary Jr…. toss his inhaler and wallet out the window and drag his ass out by his utters? No… I was paralized. Defeated. Dead. Once I regained conscience I notice Gary Jr. was ok now. He was no longer angry, or bitter, but girlllll… was he hungry!
So to answer your question… Gary Jr. would win.
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Stay tuned for the other responses this week.
If you’d like to ask us a question for next week, please email us at questions@deadat2am.com
January 23, 2010 - 2:48 PM
The sad part about that story is that everything in that story is true. Well I should probably provide a little more explanation:
1) The bucket of chicken was for Pig-Nick. Because you know that bitch requires presents before you enter his house. Oh and because when I called him from Treasure Island to say I was pulled over he said, “Gary! How you durin’? Bring me a bucket of chicken. I’m Precious.” Oh and I also brought him a Twix too. But he forgot that part conveniently.
2) I secretly ate a KFC Snacker before arriving.
3) If cow spins are as slow as Pig claims, you’d think Pig would have moved outta the way of my Flying Cow Roundhouse Hoof Plop. But Pig’s curly Q tail got caught in the fridge door after Pig shut it in the door getting champes.
4) What proves I would win in the reality show is that I was somehow able to NOT get kicked out of the Pig Trough. Even though many a farm animal have done much less and gotten their asses and/or troll muffin tops kicked out hella fast. Like when Troll got the smack down for changing the Missy Piggy screen-saver on Pig’s iPork. Troll was outta the Trough in no time.
5) It felt so good.
January 23, 2010 - 6:08 PM
First of all.. cow spins are slow, but I didn’t know you were going to kick me in the balls so how would I know to get out of the way.
secondly.. don’t act like you didn’t steal that bucket of chicken just like precious did… and then walk all over town eating it.. the gays at badlands will never be the same after seeing that.
third.. don’t make fun of my iPork hahaha